Donutorama and other tales of round food

A Holiday Evening and Middle Eastern news coverage.

2009-12-10T02:28:00.004-05:00

I can't tell you how nice it is to be sitting here. The Christmas tree is covered in vintage bubble lights, glinting away. My sooper seekrit creamy spaghetti sauce is simmering in the 1970's era electric skillet (I still don't really have a working kitchen, but I'm dealing) and Peter Gabriel is playing on the radio.

I'm completely alone, and like it that way. As much as I adore the BF, I need these little moments. I've spent much of the evening reading Al Jazeera, in lieu of there being an English language newspaper out of Cairo or Amman. And I have to say, I am a total fan of Al Jazeera. I know that that particular news agency got a bad rap during the dreadful Daniel Pearl days, but they seem to truly be a non-agenda news reporting agency. And just damn! Talk about some stories that aren't even touched on here. I learned a long time ago that western news agencies (ala the AP, Reuters) don't tell you shit about things that don't directly affect the western world. I am now adding Al Jazeera to my daily reads, along with CNN, VOA, The Christian Science Monitor, Fox News, and the AJC (and don't rile me about Fox. The occasionally cover stories that others don't).

By the way, if you haven't downloaded the newest updates for Google Earth, do it now. I spent a few hours earlier just peeping at the places I'm going this summer. Super Cool!

Peace out, bitches!

Hesitant

2009-12-04T02:34:00.002-05:00

I am a little hesitant to blog tonight because I'm in the mood to let my panties hang out on the internet and I know how that can be a bad thing. So I will just keep it to a brief update.

Google Chrome rocks my world. What more can I say? A totally low calorie browser that gets it done. I do heart Google. Chrome, combined with Wave, Blogger, and Gmail is certainly a formidable force.

I have been incredibly fiscally irresponsible in the past few months, and it's really not like me. I'm not sure where the disconnect happened, but it seems to have been somewhere around the second week of November. Now I am paying for it. Literally. And it's really not a good time to be broke. This kind of thing hasn't happened in my life for probably close to 15 years, and I am not happy about it. But I am taking steps to stop leaking money. A quick call to Verizon cut my Blackberry bill in half, thus proving that the problem is that I am just lazy. And I hate myself for it. Get it together, grrl, is all I can keep saying to myself. In every aspect of my life, not just financial. Lately, I've been of the mindset "if I don't see it, it's not happening". Well, as Eudora Welty so eloquently put it, "An inability to deal with the truth does not negate it's existence". Yeah, I need to process that a little more.

So the truth is, I need to hit the rack. It's much later than I had intended to stay up, but I needed to not neglect poor Donutorama. Just because I feel neglected and have neglected myself, the poor little home of round food should not suffer.

Love, good moods, and round foods to you all.

Election run off, drunk patrons, World AIDS day, furnace repair, and holiday decorating.

2009-12-02T00:15:00.003-05:00

It's election run off night here in the Dirty Dirty. It appears to be a tight race between Mary Norwood (my candidate, I'll represent here) and Kasim Reed, with Reed checking in at 51% and Norwood clocking a none too shabby 49%. But we probably won't know until the morning. To be perfectly honest, while I've been a hardcore Norwood supporter (she was the at-large council member who actually got Westview speed humps and and cross walks) either would be a competent mayor. Both has extensive experience in the political theater, with roots that sit deep in the city. I would be proud to have either represent our us.

On the job front, we had an interesting evening at the Big A with Second City. It seems that a cadre of drunken jackasses sat themselves right down at a down front cocktail table and proceeded to chat (read: loudly) amongst themselves. Not cute. Distracting. So much so, that our company called them out, embarrassingly so. When a cast member walks up to you and tells you to "Shut the fuck up or go the fuck home", you are probably only embarrassing yourself and being disruptive to the rest of the audience. You are also being disrespectful and distracting to the cast. The three of them left, tails between their legs, causing yet another disruption as they made their getaway during the "Sugar Plumb Fairy" scene. Thankfully before the 40ish wanna be cougar in their group puked or passed out. Yeah y'all. Y'all are real cool. You had already been warned by house management, then by stage management, so don't get pissed off when an improv group calls you out for being a bunch of assholes.

World AIDS day, what a misnomer. It sounds like we should celebrate AIDS. How about we call it "Let's Find a Cure for this Wretched Disease that has Taken So Many of My Loved Ones". While it is an issue that is ALWAYS at the forefront of my mind, I have to say I spent much time today remembering so many friends and some family that have been lost to this dreadful disease, not the least of which is my sweet, sweet Daddy. In fact, in the past few weeks, my mind has wandered about him. What would he be like today? Would he be proud of me? Would he like my house, my job, my cats? How I regret that he can't sit and visit with me around my kitchen table with a cup of coffee and his always present Kool Milds. Personally, I think that brand of cigarettes stink, but what I wouldn't give to have him here with me, stinking up my kitchen with his ghetto-ass cigarettes. He'd be no help whatsoever in any repairs I needed (he wasn't that kind of guy), but he'd damn sure help me decorate my Christmas tree, and chide me all the way for having a silk tree and not a real one. He could make a kick ass cafe au lait, killer meatloaf, and show you how to clean your shotgun all in one day. And then shame you for not knowing enough about Middle Eastern politics, Southern literature, and obscure playwrights. In the summers, he often sported a seersucker suit with a bow tie (that he tied himself, not one of those pre-fab thingies) and in the winter it was Levi's, cowboy boots and a lambskin jacket that he'd owned for twenty years. I still have that jacket, and sometimes wear it. It's quite warm. He loved to travel, so I think he would be happy that I've bounced all over Europe, spent three weeks in the Turkish Republic, and am headed to Egypt and Jordan next summer. I always have thought about him when I traveled, and am sure that I will this summer. A true Renaissance man, he is sorely missed.

But he would have been no help whatsoever yesterday. Since I am still existing upon the kindness of space heaters, I decided to spend yesterday morning with the BF in my basement, checking out my furnace. I really want to make sure that my furnace itself is in good working order before I call Atlanta Gas Light to hook my gas, so that I don't have a massive explosion when I attempt to light my furnace for the first time. Lesson number one: It's freaking cold in my basement. With a lot of weird shit that's been discarded down there. I did, however, find a lovely milk glass vase that I will keep. Not so much with the discarded cookware. Who the hell throws pots and pans away in a basement? Lesson number two: Furnaces aren't really that complicated once you figure out how they work. We got the central fan working again and discovered that the intake duct for the unit had become detached. I reattached it (fairly easy) and then we explored the rest of the duct work. Fortunately, I'm blessed with crawlspaces that are tall enough that grown men can stand up in them, so this was not an uncomfortable task. The only discrepancy we found was a rather large piece of ductwork that had become detached from the floor vent in the back bedroom, probably when the copper theives stole my service lines from the AC. Not too hard to repair. Some duct tape and a hose clamp next Monday and I'll be on my way to living in a fully heated home.

I am a sucker for the holidays. While I didn't do too much for Thanksgiving (the BF and I grilled some steaks), I do love holiday decorations. My name is Holly and I was supposed to be born on December 24, so I guess it only follows. I also own 2.4 million dollars worth of Christmas decorations that I've never been able to use all at once, due to the fact that I've always inhabited small apartments. Not so anymore! I have a huge mantle that is now draped with garland, the Christmas tree is up (undecorated yet) in the dining room, and various and sundry wreaths and appointments are distributed proudly. I have to say, this is a home that lends itself to the Holidays. I'm hoping to have a holiday cocktails get together a week from Monday, provided that I can whip this place into habitable shape.

Hope to see you at the cocktail party.

The first step is to admit that you have a problem.

2009-11-20T00:24:00.004-05:00

Is there a 12 step program or even a methadone solution for social networking sites? I can't seem to tear myself away from them. I get Facebook alerts on my Blackberry, there are numerous pop ups on my laptop, not to mention the obligatory email notifications. I can't step away. Thank you Facebook, for letting me know that about one third of my friends are fanatical Twilight fans, several folks are bored at work, a handful are for healthcare reform, and two of them chose to jump out of an airplane.

Why do I feel that I need this information? My life is not complete unless I status update about how I feel about vampires, tweet about what I had for lunch (I didn't today, but have been guilty of it), and blog about how I can't tear myself away from all of it. And don't say "Oh! The irony". There is no irony in it all. It's actually predictable.

There is something anachronistic about the fact that my laptop has become a permanent fixture on a 100 year old farmhouse kitchen table. It just doesn't look right to me. But it feels right, feels current.

It is fairly amazing how the interweaves (thank you once again, T-baby, for that one) have come to rule my life. I pay all my bills online. I check my bank account balance online. My friends and I have the equivalent of party line discussions (remember those?) via Facebook comments and twitter directives. I met my current squeeze online dating. Hell, my boss even sends me work related notes via Facebook. And if I lost all my email, an international incident would ensue. Netflix cue updates? I got it. Hell, I got my entire divorce via email, attachments, and faxes. I never laid eyes upon my attorney.

There seems to be certain level of privacy that we have given up with the World Wide Web. I have seen so many examples of "big internet, small world" that I can't even comment on it.

I am hoping that in the future I will be more private, more mysterious upon the planet of the Innertubes.

I feel so post-modern.

Vampires and other irritating things.

2009-11-19T12:34:00.003-05:00

Okay, okay, I get it. The new Twilight movie opens tonight. So what? It's a vampire movie, not really a novel, new idea. Granted, there's a love story in there (I think) and some young, hunky, emo-looking actors that make the hearts of preteen girls go pitter pat, but it's still a vampire movie. And not even Lon Cheney or Bela Lugosi there (Bela Lugosi's dead, in case you didn't know). Hell, not even Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt.

While I guess I can understand why the tween and teen set might be enamored by the series, I really don't understand grown-ass women who are obsessed with it. In fact, there was an article in the AJC recently about how "real life vampires are looking for acceptance". Huh? WTF? Real life vampires? You have got to be kidding me. Vampires are not real. Just because your life is boring and mundane, filled with things like laundry, dirty dishes, and slow moving traffic on 285, you do not get a free pass to be a weirdo. I realize you believe that you are entitled to a more glamorous life, but perhaps you could give the rest of us a break. The banality of your life is probably related to poor choices you've made in your past, such as dropping out of community college, choosing to eat an entire bag of hostess donuts once a week for 10 years, or getting married at the ripe old age of 17. That's not blood lust you feel. That's diabetes. Or high blood pressure. You choose. You are not immortal. In fact, you are probably going to die very soon, either from heart disease or me murdering you for being a grown-ass freak.

So parents, take your kids to the midnight showing of New Moon. Allow your 13 year old daughters to read the entire series. I suppose it's kind of like porn for pre-pubescent girls. But if you are over the age of 15, just stop it. You are obsessed with vampires in love. Teenage vampires at that, and that should be illegal. Kind of like that movie Dirty Dancing. (Thanks to T-baby for bringing that to my attention). In fact, if you keep up with your freaky obsession, I will openly mock you, as I am now. Just next time, it will be to your face.

How we find friends.

2009-11-19T00:53:00.002-05:00

Let me just start out with stating the obvious. It is fucking cold here tonight at Grey Gardens. There's not a whole lot I can do about it. I have a radiator style heater next to me here in the farmhouse kitchen and a ceramic one warming up the boudoir. Uber important, since I will be occupying it alone. But I've closed off all the doors to unnecessary rooms, reducing my 2200 sq. ft. bungalow to a kitchen, hallway, bathroom, and bedroom. Such are the travails with a 90 year old home (that I still LOVE, despite my tribulations).

On to my subject title...I've been thinking a lot about a certain friend of mine. Specifically, how our friendship started, how unconventional it was, and ultimately impossible before the days of teh intarwebs and teh emailz. She is such a lovely woman whom I have never met, but I adore her cyber support and communications. I won't disclose her information here, because I have too much respect for her and know how she values her privacy. Suffice it to say, she is awesome.

A little over a year ago, I received a random email from an address I didn't recognize. My gmail address is pretty private and has great filters, so I was fairly certain that it wasn't spam and it just might be something I needed to view. Did I ever. Apparently, another woman named Holly Blakely had gotten tangled up with my emailer. But instead of the typical vitriol, I found an eloquent grrl who was simply letting the other gal onto his tricks.

Most people would discard such an email. It wasn't intended for me, I had no interest in the matter.

I couldn't do it. I had been in such a similar emotional state so recently, I felt like I was reading something I had written. It brought back so many feelings of insecurity, doubt, frustration, anger, betrayal, you name it. This grrl was in pain. Doubling over at the gut pain. I got it. In fact, parts of me were still there. So I responded to her, letting her know that I wasn't the "Holly Blakely" she was looking for (insert R2D2 reference), but I knew how she was feeling, she was better off without this scumbag (and trust me...never was a greater scumbag...my ex doesn't even come close) and she didn't need that crap. Signed, someone you've never met, but has your best interest at heart.

Thus began a year long series of emails. Some involved our romantic trevails, some involved our mundane life. We are Facebook friends, and she is prettier than I ever imagined, a Texas gal, through and through. We have each had encouraging words for each other that one may or may not get from a "real life" friend. Who knows. She knows that she has a resting place here in the ATL, and has let me know that I have a haven in San Antonio (do love that city, by the way).

There seems to be a "weirdness" about relationships that are born online. However, I am so amazed at how a grrl/grrl friendship can flourish online. No pretention. No agenda.

Melissa, I'm glad I've gotten to know you. You have helped me more than you know.

Epic yard work fail

2009-11-18T00:06:00.002-05:00

It always seems that no matter what I try to accomplish around my house (or in my life in general), the project turns out to be larger than me and never ends the way I'd like. On Monday, my day off, I decided to take advantage of the perfect autumn weather and attempt to FINALLY finish up the perennial beds I laid out in my front yard this past summer. The goal is that I diminish the amount of grass that needs constant attention during the warmer months and give my little cottage an updated look in the landscaping department. So I made the trek over to Lowe's to purchase landscaping fabric and more mulch. (On a side note: Why does it seem like everyone I know is able to obtain mulch for free except me?) I purchased a large roll of landscaping fabric and three bags of Preen mulch. Yeah, that stuff never goes as far as you think it will. I wasn't even able to finish one section of the bed. Now I realize that I've laid out rather large beds, but damn. It looks like the weather might clear up a bit tomorrow, so perhaps I will carry myself back over there and purchase enough mulch to at least finish a section. I need some closure on this, people.

I did, however, have a bit more success on new winter plants for either side of my entry way and lovely planters for them. I found very pretty chocolate brown planters on sale for $14 a piece (!) and Pacific Spruces on sale for $10. Now my porch is sporting a pair of lovely evergreens that I can decorate with lights for the holidays, still be appropriate after New Year's, and then get put away in a shady place during the warmer months while they await their re-appearance next holiday season. That part was epic win.

On other fronts, I think I'm going to need to take a break from Facebook for a minute. It's getting a little creepy for me, the way it "connects" people. This evening, I came across pictures of my ex-husband on a "romantic weekend" with his current squeeze. Now normally this wouldn't be a problem, except that this current "girlfriend" is the one I caught him in bed with and who he denied any further relationship with. I really don't need to run across and album titled "Best 48 hours ever!" Trust me honey. I'm sure it wasn't. I've slept with him. It ain't that great. But because I find these little tidbits insinuated into my feeds, I think that I might need to back away, slowly. And perhaps "un-friend" some people. And be a little more selective about my online life.

Change of subject. Everyone. And yes, I mean YOU, the one sitting there that never leaves their apartment, needs to come see "Second City: Peach Drop, Stop, and Roll" on the Hertz stage at the Alliance. I know some of you saw it last year and were underwhelmed. The writing this year is greatly improved, knowing their audience much better. Be warned, on Tuesdays through Fridays, there is a "secret third act" of improv that lasts about an extra 20 minutes. So if you're not down with sitting through and additional 20 minutes, book your seats for a weekend show. But come see it. You won't be disappointed. It's a great alternative to the usual holiday shows. But certainly not appropriate for kids under 16 and in no way suitable for work.

Now that my unabashed plug is out of the way, I'm going to retire to the boudoir for some "Law and Order" re-runs and maybe a little one on one with Anderson Cooper and Larry King. I'm going to steal an idea from Jeff Kay at The West Virginia Surf Report and leave you with a question.

What has been the most "distressing" thing you have ever come across on a social networking site?

So to all a good night, and don't let the STD's bite.

I'm back.

2009-11-14T01:46:00.004-05:00

Poor Donutorama. How I have neglected you. It seems I haven't done any care and feeding of this blog since March. But I'm back! So much has changed since then. You all have read about my trials and tribulations of trying to purchase my home. I moved in at at the end of May, and trust me, the trials and tribulations certainly didn't end there. While I am still completely in love with my 1920 Craftsman bungalow with the huge front porch, wainscotted dining room, and marbled fireplace, I feel like I am living in Grey Gardens. Nothing here works. It started with the HVAC this summer. As in, the AC didn't work. Turns out, someone had stolen the copper supply line between the unit and the evaporator coil. Fuckers. I hate them. A lot. Then, I got broken into. But the police did catch the burglars. That story is an entire other post, because it's hilarious. I'm still awaiting the restitution payments. But just imagine 3 guys under the age of 22 standing around my house muttering "Damn. This white bitch ain't got nuttin'". Then they got trapped in my house and had to exit via the front door where Atlanta's finest were patiently waiting for them. Except there was a high speed chase. With helicopters. Perhaps you saw it on WSB. Good times.

So now, due to the HVAC issues, I'm currently living without central heat. Don't worry. I have plenty of space heaters. It's not all that cold here, but I do need to caulk up the windows on Monday. If I can see daylight, it needs caulk.

On other fronts, I still have my eye towards travel. On June 24, I will be leaving for 12 days in Egypt and Jordan. I know that Egypt sounds enticing, but I'm actually more excited about Jordan. In fact, if Jordan wasn't a destination on this trip, I would have never had Egypt on my radar. It's not nearly as long as the trip we took to Turkey 2 years ago, but seems even more intriguing and more boundary pushing. My travel partner and I have both developed a slight obsession with the Middle East and I, for one, can't wait to delve further into it. I realize that Turkey isn't considered part of the Middle East, but trust me, outside of Istanbul, it should be.

Tomorrow night I will be going to see Chris Knight at Smith's. I've been a fan of Chris's since sometime around 1996 and one of the bands I used to tour with always did a cover of "It Ain't Easy Being Me". When I saw him last year at the same venue, it was quite a treat. Tight band. Brilliant and earnest delivery. Attentive, yet non-douchebag crowd who liked to drink. All the makings of a good outlaw country show. You all should go. He was released on Decca records, but then they folded, so now he's been independently released.

Catch up with me tomorrow night, either at Smith's or at the Alliance, where I will be presiding sonic duties over the Second City show. Either is a good time. Perhaps I'll buy you a PBR and tell you about how my robbers were foiled.

Love, Peace, and hair grease.

International Women's Day...

2009-03-10T20:45:00.002-04:00

Here we are on International Women's Day and a 74 year old Baba in Saudi Arabia has been sentenced to 40 lashes for fraternizing with unrelated males. During my visit to the Republic of Turkey last summer, much debate was held over the still instituted honor killings and the imminent stoning of a gang rape victim in Iran.

You've come a long way, baby.

Seriously. Even here in the United States, we have "slut bashing" and often blame the rape victim. Is she a good girl or a bad girl?

Don't know about you, but I've had enough.

A new attitude..

2009-03-03T00:49:00.002-05:00

yep..that's what I've got..I went over to the new Westside crib this morning, under the assumption that I was meeting the electricians. However, due to yesterday's storm, they had to shuffle me over to tomorrow. I'm not going to bitch. There are too many poor souls without power to complain. Still waiting to hear back from the plumbing company about converting/repairing my hot water heater to electric. Call me crazy, but I'm not all that cool with having a natural gas open flame in the crawl space of a 90 year old cottage.

I just re-colored my hair tonight. I went from an ash brunette to an espresso/cinnamon redhead. I spent some time and blew it out. I feel incredibly hot with my new hair. We'll see...I am currently reliving my college years by listening to Dreams So Real and Aztec Camera...I'm so post-modern..

Waiting on a delivery of Jamaican jerk wings. I'm hungry and they will be delicious.

Madlove,
H

West side, here I come!

2009-03-02T00:26:00.003-05:00

Well, I finally closed on Friday, after all the stalling and renegotiating. It's mine, all mine. Crappy roof, faulty wiring, absent hot water heater and all. I have no idea what I'm doing. Just trying to get the electricity switched over to my name is a current hassle. I'm meeting the electrician tomorrow morning so I can find out how much MORE broke I'm going to be. But I keep fantasizing about how when it snows next year, I'll be sitting in my own terra cotta tiled kitchen watching the flakes fall from the window over the nice, new double sink.

I'm trying really hard to not get overwhelmed with the entire house and look at it as one project at a time. I keep telling myself that there are only 3 major projects that need to be accomplished to make the house livable. I can do this.

On the dating front, I've pretty much decided that I just don't have time. Between opening yet another new show and the house, I'll be lucky if I have time just for a drink with my grrlfriends. Besides, I'm raising the bar. I'm sure that when things are right with me, I'll attract the right people. No more losers. No more cads. No more "I just don't know what I'm doing with my life right now" guys.

Speaking of self-esteem issues, I was watching Rock of Love, the bus tour tonight. OMG! These poor ladies think NOTHING of themselves. Why would you allow an aging, poseur rocker-type (note the non-use of the term rock star) to tell you that you "have to be completely there for me" and in the next breath tell you "you have to understand my life. I'm always surrounded by beautiful women." What a douche canoe. And "challenges" that involve pole dancing? I have nothing against pole dancing, per se, but Mr. Micheals seems to want his women to be able to execute the perfect pole slide, but when it comes to light that a grrl is actually a stripper, he flips out, saying that she wasn't "honest" with him. Once again, ladies and gents, douche canoe. I would love to see the episode where all of gals turn on him. Unfortunately for them (and me, sadly) this will probably never happen. I could go from here to a rant about the modern media and ideas of beauty and female sexuality, but I will spare you the pain of my hairball.

That being said, it is now time for me to finish up my cocktail and climb between the covers.

I am a bad blog parent

2009-02-25T20:01:00.002-05:00

Yep, once again I need the DEFACS of blogs called on me. I am a bad blog parent. I have not been tending to the care and feeding of Donutorama. However, I have been busy. Nothing I can do about it. So there! I really need to make a commitment to myself that I will conscientiously maintain said blog, if only as a good writing exercise. It's good to stretch your language muscles, boys and girls!

So, Jesus Christ Superstar Gospel is now out of my life. Does it make me a bad person to say that my life is a little better without Jesus? Yeah, I just RSVPed for my own personal room in hell. Gone! As in the good gone! As in, the millions of dollars worth of sound gear loads onto a 53 foot tractor trailer tomorrow at 10am. Yes, it was a good show, however, the unfortunate experiences outweighed the credibility of the show. I'm still wondering how much we spent on that production. I'm sure we didn't break even. It's a bad sign when your General Manager is selling artwork out of the lobby, so I'm just guessing that the numbers didn't add up. Now, I'm not expressing a correlation between the expenditures of the show and the selling of the artwork. I'm just saying that times are hard, and I'm gonna be really pissed if I get laid off because no one could keep Jesus under budget.

In better news, I'm FINALLY closing on my house on Friday! Yay, happy day! Those of you who know me know that I've been round and round with this house since October, and was really supposed to close in November. Such is the purchasing of foreclosed property. But it's all good. My lease isn't running out any time soon, so I don't have a hardcore deadline on when I have to vacate the basement squat. I do love it here, but it will be so satisfying to have a place of my own.

Okay, I know that was an incredibly uncreative blog post, but I have now fulfilled my duties as a blog owner. I'll try not to wait so long next time.

Until then, keep it between the ditches, y'all.

Holly

Update: I just broke up with my incredibly sweet landlady. I'm terminating my lease early, so I was afraid she'd be unhappy with me, but instead, she was thrilled for me. Maryann has been so good to me since the day I came here 3 years ago to look at the basement squat. I will really miss her. If anyone is looking for an adorable little apartment in the Highlands, give me a shout. I will certainly miss it. It was a great place to recover after all the trauma of getting unmarried 3 years ago. I'm sure these walls hold a lot of caring and warmth. Plus, you can walk to the Clermont.

Okay..

2009-02-14T01:06:00.001-05:00

..I figured it out. I probably should have tweeted that.

Any ideas..or maybe I'm just stupid..

2009-02-14T00:46:00.003-05:00

..because occasionally I AM just stupid. I'm venturing into the world of twitter, and can't figure out how to post a link here. You can follow me on twitter under the user name sndgrrl. If anyone know how to find the link code, please let me know. I'm probably just drunk.

I know I should be grateful to have a job, but...

2009-02-14T00:09:00.001-05:00

..I bet you didn't get puked on tonight at work...by an adult who knew better. Actually. it wasn't me who was the brunt of the gastric contents, but two actors who wear ALL WHITE costumes. They are not the ones I feel sorry for. It is the folks in the wardrobe department who have my condolences. They are currently in search of a 24 hour dry cleaner so that said costumes can be dry cleaned by tomorrow's 2.30pm performance. Also, just a note. It's never good to vomit on stage soft goods, either. Take your ass to the bathroom if you gotta puke. Please don't let your stomach contents ruin my day.

On another note, Simon the Apostle continues to grab my ass. I know that I'm not an expert on the acts of the apostles, but I'm fairly sure that smacking someone on the ass every time you see them is not a very Christian thing to do. Thank God (and Jesus!) this show closes next week. I've had enough.

Call me the awkward ostrich

2009-02-13T23:40:00.002-05:00

If you understand the title of this blog entry, then you are probably a member of my close circle of friends. If you don't understand it, just know that the awkward ostrich is the weird animal looking you in the face right after you have done something to which no one knows how to respond.

The bottom line is this: I don't know how to date. Let's face it kids, I was involved or married for most of my adult (read: after college) life. That's a long time. So this whole being single thing completely confounds me. As soon as I figure out that I may be interested in someone, I immediately become 16 again. As in "do you think he's into me? He said this, what do you think it means?" and so forth and so on. I know I vowed a few months ago to not play games, but it's hard to do that when the single world lives and dies by the rules of the games.

I am in a quandary. There are two people I know whom I am interested in, but I don't know how to move forward. And when I say "know", I mean that I don't know them that well. Nor do I work with them, or have many mutual friends with either. This, my friends, presents quite a challenge. I mean, a grrl can only "run into" a guy so many times before it gets weird.

I conveniently "ran into" someone the other night, and it seemed like we enjoyed each other's company. We both smiled and laughed a lot, even casually touched each other occasionally. But I kind of get the feeling that this is a guy who doesn't really date. As in, he has a life other than work that is fulfilling (something I know nothing about, since all I'm allowed to do is work..) So there is my difficulty. How does one get to know someone who seems interested without being forward. Oh, I know, I could go for the slutty approach, It worked with my ex-husband...But for some strange reason, that doesn't seem like a viable option. Call me self-defeating, I know.

So what I'm asking for here, boys and grrls, is not relationship advice, but a survival guide. I'm mean, I'm pretty savvy when it comes to stuff like changing a tire, fixing plumbing, trouble shooting a sound system, and the occasional brain surgery, but I know nothing about being single, other than being a hermit.

C'mon, y'all...help a sista out...

My show is broken

2009-02-10T23:50:00.000-05:00

Ever have one of those nights where everything that can go wrong, does? Yeah, me too. Often. Fortunately for me, it's usually not related to the sound department. Tonight was a different story. The automation control unit to the front of house consoles decided it needed a nap, so the entire show had to be mixed entirely by hand. Now before I start getting flamed from all you guys out there, remember that our show has 200+ inputs, 50 of them being RF mics. This is no small feat, even with a working automation platform. So I lost my other deck sound to head downstairs and run the show on the Hertz stage, while Lane came upstairs to help our mixer manually mix the show. Thankfully, I didn't have many of my usual RF problems, but did have massive sweat outs, due to the fact that we went up 30 minutes late and everyone was stressed out.

Then, scenic motor control went all crappy, but got repaired fairly quickly. Electrics were having their own special hell, and I'm not going to EVEN discuss here what happened to Courtney in props. Suffice it to say, it was not pretty.

I'm sure if you've read this far, you're waiting for my rant. Well, here it goes....

If your stage manager informs you that sound is having issues, so it's very important to keep unnecessary backstage talking to a non-existent level, then DO that! In a situation like that, there is a good chance that your mic could still be open after your exit. Also, DO NOT ask your A-2 if your mic is live. She doesn't know, and is probably too busy unpatching open inputs to address it. She can not see what is happening out at FOH, only what is going on with RF. Same goes for your dresser. He has NO IDEA. So don't even ask. Just assume, just for one show, that you need to be on good behavior and do what we tell you.

Well, I'm home now, with a nice cocktail and a somewhat clean house. So I'm going to go enjoy the rest of my night.

Cheers!

A production rant

2009-02-07T02:09:00.002-05:00

This is just a production rant. Nothing more, boys and grrls, and really only applies to those in the audio field, however, some points may apply to all members of production.

Headsets and headphones are personal items. Do not, under any circumstances, pick up a colleague's headset or, worse yet, an engineer's PERSONAL pair of headphones and put them on your head without permission, FOR ANY REASON. You wouldn't rub your hair and face against someone you just casually know, would you? You wouldn't put on someone's article of clothing without permission, would you? It's the same damn thing. As a professional A-2, my headphones are my lifeline, an essential tool, and, to some extent, an article of clothing. Don't walk over and place them on your head without my express permission. The reason disease can spread so fast within our particular work environment is often due to the sharing of Clear Com headsets. I've paid good money to own my own personal one, and no, you can't use it. You can't wear my panties, either, but you probably wouldn't ask to do that.

Item number two I would like to address is personal hygiene. Every one should bathe before work, however, this becomes more crucial if you work in close quarters with other people. Even more so if are required to touch other people. If I can walk into a room and tell that you've been there previously by the smell, there's a problem. Oh, and by the way, if you can't bother to wash your hair, DO NOT EVER put on my headphones. Tonight it took me an hour with hand sanitizer and Lysol to get your hairgrease off my headphone band, rendering my essential tool useless for that period. Not to mention the fact that that shit doesn't come off leather easily. And I just can't have that. It makes me nervous. It also makes me feel repulsed.

Perhaps I'm a germ-a-phobe, but seriously. That's just consideration for your fellow man.

On that note, I'm off to the showers, kids!

Bad music for bad people

2009-02-05T01:51:00.001-05:00

I just learned that Lux Interior passed yesterday. I will miss him creeping across the stage in those leather pants.

Rock on, my brother, rock on.

Stress management, or how to buy a 90 year old home in a million easy steps.

2009-02-05T01:16:00.002-05:00

I don't think I have ever been so stressed out in my life. I know that I'm going to get the house, the question now is, for what price. After the inspection on Monday, I realized that after I buy this place, I'm going to be in bed for at least $20,000 before it's even livable. The roof needs to be re-surfaced, the electrical needs to be re-wired, and the hot water heater (that is currently gas) needs to be upgraded to electric. Call me a picky snob, but I would like to be able to dry my hair with the lights on without causing a black out, and I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with a pilot light (read: open flame) in the crawl space of a 90 year old frame bungalow.

Considering that I have such a fear of commitment, including financial, I am losing my mind right now. But I know that this is what I truly want to do. Not only will I finally have a home of my own, I have made a commitment to myself that over the next 10 years, I will renovate this home with the love and care that it truly deserves. Having grown up in a home that was 150 years old, I have no illusions about the commitment this involves.

That being said, I needed a bit of a break after tonight. The show this evening was a bit stressful in that Tim Rice was in the audience. You've never seen a cast so on point. However, the pressure to make sure that things I have no control over were correct was pretty high.

So...I can home, fixed a nice little cocktail, and gave myself a lovely pedicure. Nothing is more therapeutic than scraping callouses off feet that have been abused for the past two months.

I'm going to watch the latest episode of "Damages" and fantasize about how great my new house will be in 3 years, and then how AWESOME it will be in ten years, and how I finally have a home.

A man's home is his castle..

2009-02-03T00:12:00.002-05:00

Well, I know I've been neglectful of my little home on the internet,but I've been otherwise engaged. Since homeownership seems to be working so well for Paulie over at Inside the Perimeter, I thought I might try it for myself.

I've found a (not so) little craftsman bungalow over in Westview that I think needs my attention. And by attention, I mean a new roof and new wiring. Which are both a little more expensive than just simple attention. But damn. I'm getting the house for less than it costs me to feed my cats for a year. My cats eat a lot.

Anyway..

So it looks like grrlfriend will be leaving Poncey Highlands after 7 years here. I'll certainly miss the 24 hour food delivery. I don't think that exists in the West End. There is, however, a nice, new Kroger on Ralph David Abernathy. And neighbors that I know on Mathewson. I will be leaving the little hobbit hole basement apartment for a home of my own that is painted Florida State colors and is 90 years old.

I haven't had a home of my own since I left home 20 years ago. This is a big deal to me. I am 36. It's time.

Wish me luck, and if you like, send me money!

Peace,
H

Ghetto technology

2009-01-22T12:01:00.002-05:00

In an episode of The Boondocks, Huey once described ghetto technology as "any device you can't hook up to a printer", therefore meaning that it was fairly useless. I tend to concur with him.

There are appropriate means of communication, depending upon what one has to say. I believe that it is okay to text message a note along the lines of "the movie is at 7.15, not 7.30" or "Will be 5 minutes late". It is not, however, appropriate to text someone with a message saying "I know I was supposed to be looking after your dog while you are on vacation, but he died". That one warrants a phone call.

Another lesson for the day is the difference between myspace/facebook inboxes and real email. The message center to your myspace or facebook account is NOT the same as your email account. Understand the difference. This is important. Especially if you are currently in the market for a new job. You should probably not tell a prospective employer to contact you by "hitting me up on facebook". Get an email account. Most are free. And DO NOT use the account that has the address sweetgeorgiapeach@hotmail or behindthe8ball@yahoo.com. If you do, you are going to eventually fall into the category of "the unemployable".

Where all this ghetto communication gets complicated is in the realm of relationships. While it is okay to send a little note via text, it's really not alright to break up with someone by writing on their facebook wall. Unless you are 14, and in that case, are probably too young to have unlimited internet access anyway. It is also unacceptable to try to work out serious issues via text. Or over the phone, for that matter. Things of that nature are due a face to face conversation. Remember, nothing of any importance has ever been typed with thumbs, you can't text message break up, and myspace is not real email.

So, boys and girls, stop abusing technology. Get it right and use the right vehicle for your message.

Arrgh..it just gets worse..

2009-01-21T00:46:00.002-05:00

Damn. I thought I was about to be in a position where my life settles out a bit since my new show opens tomorrow night, but the shit just keeps flying. I just got dumped. Unceremoniously. No explanation. After eight months, it just wasn't working out. My feelings are hurt and I feel insulted, rejected, and frankly, pissed off. There were no warning signs (that I saw, perhaps I'm just an idiot). In the midst of getting my ass handed to me on a daily basis, now someone's gonna lay this crap on me? All I was told was that this person couldn't handle the "progression of an adult relationship". Got news for ya bud. I'm an adult. I have adult relationships. End of story.

Ahh..I'll still be alive in the morning with a stack of dirty dishes to do and a new, huge wonderful show to open. So Y'all come see it.

Peace out, bitches,
H

Oh my..

2009-01-18T01:02:00.002-05:00

Sorry no new blog lately. I'm in the tech from hell that was preceded by Christmas Carol. Ouch. It's 1am and I'm still sitting here in my show blacks with a nice bourbon (or 12) after wrangling 48 radio mics for the past 3 weeks. I must say that the unpleasantness has risen to new levels as of the past few days. Talk about a reality show....(enter deep announcer voice) "Imagine what happens when 56 actors, 14 crew members, and an innumerable design team all get together and start being real and stop being nice"...MTV, here we come! But you couldn't air it for all the bleeps you would hear.

Okay, gonna get back to the Travel Channel and fantasizing about being someplace warm (that does NOT include Atlanta sleet) with a fantasy partner who would spend all day on the beach with me giving me endless back massages and bringing me big, fruity drinks with umbrellas in them.

Love,
Holly (who makes her living facilitating the ability for adults to play dress up)

A bad day

2008-10-25T13:27:00.002-04:00

Being dead seems to be a really awful way to start out a Saturday morning.

Seeing the dead person on the way to work is also pretty bad, albeit not as bad as actually being the dead person.

I was on my way to the theater factory this morning, sun shining down and the wind blowing the way it blows on beautiful Atlanta mornings in October, when I heard the sirens. Lots of sirens. Loud, persistent, take notice of me sirens. As I approached the City Hall East block of Ponce, I could see a goat fuck of official looking vehicles, including forty-eleven police cars, at least two crime scene investigation vans, and two ambulances. In the middle of the fray, lying face down in the middle of the center, east bound lane, was an woman. Kind of heavy-set, she was wearing black sweat pants and a white t-shirt with some sort of black slip on shoes. Amazingly, she still had on both of her shoes. The strangest thing was her back pack. It was sitting in the road, directly to her right, like she had placed it there, then decided to lie down and nap for bit. There was no blood or gore, just a woman who seemed to be resting.

I don't know who she is or how she died. I want to know. I want to know what happened to that woman. What kind of violence ends with someone face down in the middle of a busy street in my neighborhood, their back pack placed carefully beside them, as if not to spill the contents.

How I feel today...

2008-10-24T14:46:00.001-04:00

more animals

I'm lovin' it!

2008-10-19T17:25:00.003-04:00

I was late for my show call yesterday. About 30 minutes, to be exact. And for once, it was not my fault. I caught the correct bus (good 'ole number 2, remember that one?) and it actually arrived at my bus stop at the correct time. Since I was totally engrossed in whatever nonsense I was listening to on my Zen, it took me a bit to realize that the bus had been stopped in front of the McDonald's on Ponce for about 10 minutes and the bus driver was nowhere to be seen. Of course, the bus was still idling and the doors were wide open. I asked a woman seated across the aisle from me what the deal was, and she informed that apparently the driver was hungry.

After about another 15 minutes of waiting, the driver reappeared with a Happy Meal. He could have at least asked everyone else if they wanted anything or gone through the drive-thru.

No wonder MARTA has a reputation for being unreliable.

That's got to be one of the most ghetto-ass things I've ever seen.

How far will we go?

2008-10-18T18:48:00.003-04:00

The girl hero and I were talking yesterday about botox. It seems like it's a topic that has been coming up a lot lately, not sure why. Upon further examination, we concluded that using botulism to rid one's self of wrinkles is the equivalent of self-inflicted biological warfare. Who in the hell came up with this idea?! WTF! It is now commonplace for otherwise right thinking grrls to VOLUNTARILY have a paralyzing pathogen injected into their body, all in the name of "beauty". "What's next?" we asked ourselved. Using mustard gas to color our hair? Imagine that conversation on an all new episode of "Sex and the City". It would probably go something like this:

Miranda: Oh my god! Samantha! Your hair color looks so great today! Are you doing something different?

Samantha: Well girls, I have found THE hairdresser of the moment.

Carrie: You're not going to Raoul anymore? Two weeks ago you said you trusted him with your life!

(Notice how all the characters end every sentence with an exclamation point..but I digress..)

Samantha: Oh noooo....Raoul just wasn't up to the minute with his coloring techniques. Now I'm seeing Maxine...

Charlotte: What does she do? New product line?

Samantha: Oh yesssss....Forget that Redkin or Biolage crap. She uses mustard gas!

Carrie: Mustard gas?! But isn't that dangerous?

Samantha: Honey, EVERYTHING'S dangerous. It's all about how much something is worth to you. And being blonde is worth EVERYTHING to me.

And scene....

Gotta go. The new line of anthrax matte powder from MAC just came out and I gotta get some quick! The stuff is just FLYING off the shelves..

Google is AWESOME!

2008-10-12T15:00:00.002-04:00

I love Google. Everything about Google. It's the best. But this may be the one thing they release that will one day save my ass.

Can I get this as an application for my phone?

Maybe I should get one for my nephew...

2008-10-09T21:47:00.000-04:00

more the engrish!

The games we play

2008-10-04T01:14:00.002-04:00

I don't often blog about my personal life, for a lot of reasons. I don't want a bunch o peeps up in my grill, and I really don't like the feeling of my panties showing on the internet.

But I gotta get something off my chest.

There is a game that people who are dating play. It's called "I don't like you as much as you like me". It's a great game. It allows people who are casually getting to know each other the ability to save face. To never be embarrassed. To not have to put themselves out there if they are unsure if the feelings are reciprocated.

That said, I don't like games. Have you ever played Scrabble with me? Probably not. But I, too, dear reader, am guilty of it. We all are. I mean seriously, what's a reasonable minded grrl to do? Embarrass herself over omelets? Never. I would never.

That being said, Donutorama is throwing down the gauntlet. I vow to never play that game again. If I like you, I gonna let you know. It may be in subtle ways. I mean really, how many people have I let drive the General Lee? If I let you drive my car, I consider it fairly serious. In 1984, that would have meant that we were meant to be together. But it's not 1984 (as much as I wish it were..oh wait..that would mean I was living..where?..no I really don't). It's the way I make sure that you think that I smell good when you hug me and the way that I always seem to be making sure that my eyelashes are artificially long enough when you see me; that I'm always wearing the right outfit and that my panties are always "situation appropriate".

So seriously y'all. I'm done with the games. I don't have time (got a job and shit).

The next time someone is interested in Donutorama, they should just probably tell her. I vow to throw down the score card.

Off like a prom dress..

H

Who would Tommy Chong vote for?

2008-10-02T20:34:00.004-04:00

Since I'm working tonight, I'll have to watch the replay of the VP debates. In the meanwhile, here's some food for thought.

Are you a liberal dem with a hardcore commitment to the Obama/Biden ticket? You might want to do a little more research on your own vice-prez candidate. Don't tase me, bro has a very interesting post about Joe Biden's history as one of America's most vehement players in the failure that is the "War on Drugs". In fact, he's the guy who coined the term "Drug Czar" and was responsible for writing the legislation that led to the incarceration of Public Enemy Number One, Tommy Chong. I know I slept better at night knowing THAT guy was locked safely away.

Let's not get bogged down with images and forget the issues.

My ears are bleeding.

2008-10-02T18:14:00.002-04:00

There's an unspoken rule on Atlanta public transportation. It reads as follows: During rush hour, whether on a bus or train, one shall not vocalize in levels above 100 decibels. What that means, boys and girls, is SHUT THE FUCK UP. I was on the good ole number 2 this afternoon about 5.30, and I swear, there was a group of people hollerin like there was a damn emergency. Conversations that reach the level of fire engine sirens are not welcomed, let me tell you. I went to a Metallica concert in 1992 at the Omni that wasn't that loud. Seriously, I couldn't hear the music playing in my earbuds over their little tea party. The Cuban revolution wasn't that loud.

I suppose I could have taken some responsibility for myself and asked them to lower it to the level of an F-16, but surely my steely glare should have sufficed.

It didn't.

I just hope my commute home won't be quite so obnoxious.

Why I dislike Carrie Bradshaw.

2008-10-01T20:51:00.003-04:00

Here Greta Christina describes most eloquently why I hate "Sex and the City". Come on gals, stop trying to pretend that you're all such uber-feminists who are breaking some kind sexual mold.

I only wish I could have expressed it so well myself.

But I still think there is nothing wrong with a great pair of expensive shoes.

Bagels and good MARTA karma

2008-09-27T14:21:00.002-04:00

It's rare that I have a really nice morning. I hate getting up and very rarely do I have time for any semblance of breakfast. But this morning seemed to be the exception. I got up on time (a rarity), found clothing to wear with no problem (it was even something cute), and was out the door in time stop into Belly for one of their awesome bagels and coffee. Then, as soon as I walked up to my bus stop (just across the street) the 45 drove right up and opened up the doors. It dropped me off at the Midtown station just as a Northbound train was pulling up, so I was able to get to work 20 minutes early. Did I mention how perfect the weather is, too?

Maybe I'm pushing my luck, but perhaps I'll ride down to North Avenue and go to the Varsity for "lunch".

It's not often that I'm not bitching about something or the other, so it's really great to be able to write about a nice morning. I've still got to get through two shows today, but I think it's shaping up to be a nice day.

Cheers!

The grizzly bear diaries.

2008-09-27T01:57:00.002-04:00

I've been sitting here watching the grizzly bear diaries. Wow. I've heard about it, but never watched it. All I can say is, that guy was a dumbass. I know that I call many people dumbasses and douchebags here at Donutorama, but this dude is exceptional. Don't EVER go live with grizzly bears. For obvious reasons. He got ate up. That's what happens. He kept referring to the bears the way one would refer to a dog. They are not dogs, dammit, they are bears, and will eat you, which they did. As cute as the baby cubs are, there is a vicious mama bear right there who will surely devour you soon as look at you. It kind of reminds me of the time when we were kids and I suffered the greatest ass whipping I've ever suffered at the hands of my Mama. We were catching baby alligators. Trust me, not good.

Don't get me wrong. I love animals. I would never even consider dating someone who didn't have some kind of pet, because I believe that pet ownership is the true expression of one's character. I have two cats, was raised with dogs, cats, guinea pigs, even a baby possum once. But I respect them. My cats can claw the crap out of me (they don't, but could), hunting dogs stay outside in the pen, and when the possum grows up, it's time to let it go out at the farm. So I'm not the least bit interested in adopting a baby alligator, much less living with bears.

On a brighter note, a few months ago I acquired an awesome pair of old skool shell top Adidas with grrly pink stripes. I've been wearing them fairly regularly (cuz they're AWESOME) and they had gotten fairly worn looking. Being the genius that I am, I threw them in the washing machine tonight. Now they look almost as good as new. I am happy.

There's my boring ass update. It's late, and I don't really feel like wrapping this up in a civilized way. I'm off like an 80's prom dress.

Where can I get one of these kittehs?

2008-09-25T00:55:00.003-04:00

more animals

Kind of looks a bit like my Lulu. If you look closely, it appears that the victim has dirty ears. Eww..

I don't have gas..

2008-09-24T01:28:00.002-04:00

I stopped by the Standard Oil (in)convenience store on my way home from the big house tonight and there was no gas. There was, however, a hippie pontificating on how the lack of gasoline was just mother earth issuing her own correction for our inability to go green. I got into my v8 and drove away.

I'm not sure about Buddy's. Maybe they have gas and don't have hippies.

It was enough to keep me away from the NRPS show tonight.

Nuff said.

Once again..

2008-09-23T17:59:00.002-04:00

....I couldn't resist.

2008-09-23T17:04:00.004-04:00

Now that I'm getting back to my regular "show call" schedule, I'm a much happier donut. That meant that I was off yesterday. It's really nice to be off on the day when most people are just starting their work weeks. That way, I can get things done that would otherwise take me a long time to get done or would have to take time off work to do. The big thing yesterday was getting a new car tag and I was dreading it with a capital D. I can't think of a more unpleasant way to spend a day off, in a government office in a long line, waiting to talk to a government employee who can't WAIT to actively NOT help you.

I was pleasantly surprised.

The Fulton County Tax and Tag office was surprisingly easy to find (Thanks J!), the line amazingly short, and everyone I dealt with was incredibly pleasant. It was like bizarro Tag office. Twenty minutes and twenty dollars later, I walked out with a new Fulton County tag. Yay Fulton County! Right now, I totally heart you.

I spent the rest of my day enjoying the sunshine, had a nice lunch at Marco's Pita with awesome company, took a walk, had a few cocktails and watched a movie. The Kite Runner, to be exact, and it is definitely a must see. Beautiful cinematography, some of which was actually filmed in Kabul. Just the kind of flick to feed my obsession with central Asia. I even got to sleep in a little this morning, since rehearsal wasn't until 4pm. My kind of time off.

I think I'm going to try to catch a few shows this week, even if they are kind of hippie shows. New Riders of the Purple Sage are at Smith's tonight, and Blueground Undergrass are there on Thursday. Should be some decent shows.

Fashion question of the day: Is it too late in the year to wear jelly shoes? Because I TOTALLY wore mine today.

Let's not panic

2008-09-21T20:27:00.005-04:00

Around the Big House today, much of the talk has been about gasoline, or the lack thereof. It seems that numerous people have been having trouble finding filling stations that have any, escalating to the point that some people have been changing plans due to the fact that their cars won't go with out it. I realize that the more we all collectively talk about it, the more the panic increases, just exacerbating the situation. In fact, I recently yelled at T-Baby for releasing her employees so that they could "go out and get gas before it's all gone".

For the most part, I ride MARTA. It's cheap, convenient (for where I live), easy, and usually entertaining. I will say that I've certainly noticed increased ridership lately, and that's a good thing. Kate over at Indignity, Thy Name is MARTA had a great post recently about seeing a girl do the "MARTA walk of shame". I suspect we'll be seeing more of that sort of thing.

Good thing I didn't buy that V-8, 5.7l....oh...wait....

What the hell is wrong with me?

2008-09-21T18:28:00.005-04:00

So I've been having these massive, mind numbing headaches lately, and instead of taking my sorry ass to the doctor, I've decided that WebMD is the best place to find out what's wrong with me. Ever seen this thing? You just click on the part of the body that feels bad, click on a description of the symptom, and the cyber-doc spits out possible diagnoses. Awesome! I'll never have to wait in a waiting room, reading issues of Golfer Weekly from 1986 again! Except that the my doc in a laptop isn't really all that specific. According to Web MD, I could be suffering from, and I quote, cluster headaches, insomnia, anemia, methamphetamine withdrawal, too much caffeine, schizophrenia, or an aneurysm. Great. That really narrows it down for me. And makes me feel so much better. I think I'll just go take some more Advil, follow it with a cup of bad coffee, and hope it keeps my potential schizophrenia at bay.

Well kids, one more show then a blessed day day off! Sunday IS the new Friday.

Exceptional douche-baggery

2008-09-20T01:07:00.001-04:00

So I stopped into Smith's Olde Bar tonight because it was "Americana" night of the Atlantis music festival. If you know me, you know I love Americana and am a devotee of local music so it seemed perfect. I wasn't there long, but I did get to hear one great band, Missy Gossip and the Secret Keepers. I think they're probably keepers..hehehe..yeah, I'm punny. Sorry I missed the Beggar's Guild, love those guys, but they were on at 10.30 and I was still at the theater factory.

While I think the Atlantis Music Conference is a great thing, giving local and regional band priority in the "good" rooms, there was a bizarre phenomenon I witnessed tonight. EVERYONE was wearing a douch-ey lanyard with an AMC lammie. DUDE! Seriously. It should have been called the Middle Georgia Douchebag Conference. If you are wearing a lanyard at a club gig, you MIGHT be douchebag. Keep the lammie in your pocket and use it for entrance to the events. I think it's great that we has this music festival that goes out of its way to make local musicians feel like rock stars, but just damn. It would be a good thing to know the guys who actually do the work find that the lanyards get in the way of DOING THEIR WORK. Where I work (a MAJOR venue) I am required to have my laminated, RF chip embedded badge on me at all times. But you won't find me wearing it on a lanyard. I did that for tooooo long (yep, I'm guilty of douchebaggery in my past, but never in an f'in BAR) and that shit just gets in my way. You know, what with the falling over my shoulder, etc, getting caught up in the electrical tie in...If you simply must wear it all the time, get thyself one of those little clippy do-dads (I have one!) and clip to your belt loop or the hem of your shirt. If I wasn't required to display it at all times, I'd put the damn thing in my pocket, except that I really need the little RF chip to work so that I can actually enter the building.

Don't get me wrong, kids. I have an entire collections of lanyards and lammies and I keep them hanging in my kitchen as an "interesting item". I've got 'em from v-Dosc, D&B Acoustics, Meyer Sound, Midas, Blue Collar TV, Big Night Out, Turner Studios (actually, that's the ONLY place I wear it because I can't get into craft services without it), Gospel Music Network, and numerous swag festivals that never amounted to a tumbleweed of cat hair. But I just keep those because my mom thinks they're cool.

And just so you know, you indie kids out there, a lanyard REALLY interferes with the visual impact of your ironic t-shit, I mean t-shirt.

I'll leave you guys with this one...How many indie rock kids from Athens, GA does it take to change a lightbulb? What! You don't know!

Love, peace and lotsa hair grease.

It's the most wonderful time of the year..

2008-09-19T12:58:00.009-04:00

Yep, boys and grrls, it's that time again. Talk Like a Pirate Day! That will certainly cheer me up, thinking about all the scurvy bilge rats that I will make swab the deck and walk the plank.

So break out the rum and the jolly roger and enjoy!

Someone should let my uncle know

2008-09-19T12:58:00.006-04:00

I couldn't help myself

2008-09-19T12:58:00.004-04:00

more animals

Fuck the poice..wait, what?

2008-09-18T16:01:00.002-04:00

see

Obviously we haven't adopted "No Cop Left Behind" here in Atlanta.

U R DOIN IT RONG

2008-09-18T15:58:00.000-04:00

see

I saw it on Ponce, I swear.

2008-09-18T13:15:00.004-04:00

So yesterday I was cruising over to ye olde liquor store (yes, I'm fully aware that it was 4.30 on a Thursday, but hey! A girl's got deadlines here!) and damn near crashed my car. This is because at the corner of Ponce and Ponce Place, there was a white dude wearing an afro wig, Magnum P.I. sunglasses, a pair of blue Speedos, and roller skates. That is an image that will forever be burned in my mind. I wish to hell I'd had the presence of mind to snap a picture, even if it was just with my phone. But I was simply too busy staring in amazement and wonder. I swear to God, every day is frickin' Halloween in my neighborhood.

On another, somewhat related note, Shannie over at Where is My Freakin' Mind wanted to know if 8am is too early to start drinking. I told her no, she has two kids. She should be constantly drunk.

I seem to have taken sorry...

2008-09-10T21:25:00.003-04:00

...my blog posts haven't been very creative lately. I guess I've been a little stagnant, which is a little ironic since I've been invited to join a local writer's guild. Perhaps these other women can enlighten me as to how to be funny when I feel incredibly unfunny.

Just got the new Chris Knight CD, Enough Rope. Definitely worth a listen, especially "Don't go Lookin for Trouble" and that other song about being on the road. Many of us have been there, and I wouldn't go back to that for the world or all the money in it. I gotta say "Cry Lonely" was pretty pertinent to my life 9 months ago.

Looking back as to the past 12 months, I would say that I've made some fairly good progress. I'm done with the deadwood that dragging me down for so long, but I will say that I've been so ADD at work that I'm having a hard time accomplishing anything. I had to put off programming my console today because I just simply couldn't focus. I'm pretty fortunate in that I have the luxury of postponing those kinds of tasks.

BTW, the Chris Knight shows at Smith's Olde Bar this past weekend were pretty stellar. Friday night left a little to be desired, lacking in energy, but the delivery was still there. Saturday night was filled with 1k and 4k feeding in the vox monitor, but the energy was there, and a much better show. I'm sure Billy got his share of text messages telling him what the problem was....ooohhh poor Billy, or Cosmo as we like to call him. Oh to be 21 and mixing in a rock venue again...and a good venue at that..with other engineers who protect you...

Peace out.

As you can see...

2008-09-10T12:07:00.001-04:00

..I'm working VERY HARD today...

more music charts

My new clear com system

2008-09-10T11:15:00.001-04:00

see more pwn and owned pictures

Parent of the year.

2008-09-10T11:13:00.001-04:00

see more pwn and owned pictures

Trying something different.

2008-09-08T16:53:00.002-04:00

I'm trying to claim this blog on Technorati and having some difficult logging in with OpenID, so I'm trying to execute my claim by publishing the code here.

Technorati Profile

On Republicans and fisher(wo)men

2008-09-04T16:04:00.003-04:00

First off, I never created this blog to discuss politics. Myself, I believe that Americans take politics incredibly too personally. I have never dissolved a friendship because of opposing politics, but I know people who have. I hate hearing the personal attacks hurled at Republican/Democratic/Libertarian/Communist/Socialist/Catfishitarian candidates from the lunch tables of my workplace. I believe that if one is going to debate (notice I did not use the word "argue") politics, then the statements should be based in fact and reality, not speculation or personal feelings. Statements like "he's just evil" have no place in a rational marketplace of ideas. But we all seem to have a hard time staying away from those sort of things, so I tend to stay out of it.

But I would like just to say one thing. I REALLY REALLY wanted to like Sarah Palin. She was an unknown to me. I mean, I knew that Alaska had a governor, I just wasn't familiar with who it actually was. Come on, kids. It's Alaska. Who cares? Just wasn't on my radar. But when I found out a little more about her, I was intrigued. A maverick leader who ran on a ticket out to defeat corruption sounded okay by me. A hunter and fisherman, well, I could relate to that, having grown up in a culture of hunting and fishing (and not in a quaint, recreational way, nor a redneck, possum eating kind of way, either). I imagined a hippie libertarian with bold new ideas. Someone rather new to the political arena who might not have been brainwashed enough to just nod and smile and keep her mouth shut.

But I just can't like her. And not because her vetting has developed the appearance of a Saturday Night Live skit. That part, I actually love, proving that even politicians are human and that I have a depraved sense of humor. But because SHE seems so devoid of a sense of humor and greatly lacking in any good sense.

My $.02, for what it's worth.

Flame away. I'm sure I've got it coming.

For Joe

2008-09-02T15:44:00.002-04:00

I found out this morning that my old friend Joe died on Saturday morning. He was 35, and I've known him since 1990, when I was a freshman at Wesleyan. One of the funniest people I've ever known, Joe was the inventor of "tie dancing", which he performed with utter perfection at every Wesleyan date event from 1990 until 1994. He also drove a car that had the most, um, interesting interior I've ever seen. And by interesting interior,I mean that on any given day, in the backseat was a couple or three half empty Dominoes pizza boxes (he worked as a pizza guy all through school), some Co-cola cans (half empty as well), and often dirty underwear and socks. His girlfriend at the time (still my best friend) would often refuse to ride in the Escort, preferring my truck or her Mitsubishi to The Rolling Trashcan.

Joe's idea of a joke was wearing a Green Bay Packers hat backwards. We're still not really sure what it meant, but was exceedingly funny at the time. I called him Toe Sucker and he called me his little Toe Ho. I think I still have emails in my inbox that contain nothing but the text "Did you get a pedicure this week?"

Good bye my little Toe Sucker. You will be missed.

I've got me a fearless heart..

2008-08-31T00:44:00.002-04:00

...strong enough to get you through the scary part. Back in the 80's, Steve Earle wrote those words and my Daddy sung them to me. That's what I want. A fearless heart. Strong enough to get someone else through the terrifying part...maybe one day I'll get there.

Three day weekend!

2008-08-30T10:03:00.002-04:00

Unexpectedly, I've found myself with a three day weekend. If you know my schedule, that almost never happens. So here I am on a Saturday morning, wandering around the hobbit hole, fretting over how to spend my time. Most of my comrades are working all weekend, so I have a short list of partners in crime to choose from. I considered going to visit my mom, but just couldn't quite bring myself to haul my ass all the way over to Alabama, not to mention the fact that it's still fairly hot down there, making tattoos a little more difficult to hide. T-baby and I have been talking about getting together, so we're gonna check in with each other later in the day and see how each other is feeling. She's had a hell of a week, what with being sued by a crazy-insane ex-employer and all, and I think it's taken a toll on her energy and sanity. So there's a chance I may drive down to Macon later on and hang with her for bit.

Drive Invasion is this weekend here in the Dirty Dirty, and is always more fun than you can shake a twelve pack of PBR at, but damn! It's gotten expensive! $25 a day! But the movie selection is stellar as always, as are the bands. Plus the Starlite Drive in is definitely a must do destination for the new ride.

Looking around the hobbit hole here, I'm realizing that it resembles the aftermath of an atomic dirty laundry bomb, complete with little urban tumbleweeds made of Lulu cat hair lazily blowing in the breeze. I'm also realizing that I have ZERO inclination for cleaning.

I also need to figure out what I'm going to do with Ding Ding Here Comes the Shit Mobile. The whole point of a new car was so that I could get rid of the 1993 Mitsucrappi that I've been driving for 10 years now. That thing made a new and exciting sound every day. And I don't mean in a good way. I suppose I could sell it to some poor, unsuspecting soul, but I think my karma would seriously suffer. And I really can't have that. I think I'll spend some time today researching donating it to Cars for Kids or something like that. I don't think it would even garner me $500 in scrap. Any ideas? If any of you guys have ever donated your old car to a charity, how did it go? How does it work?

Also Dragon*Con is here this weekend. I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but spending Labor Day weekend with a bunch of folks who think that dressing up like Princess Leia, Chewbacca, and Captain Sulu is EVER a good idea just doesn't seem all that appealing to me. I'm skipping the parade because I'm fairly sure that witnessing 50 Wonder Women strolling down Peachtree just may do something unsavory for my psyche.

I'll leave you guys with that little mental image.

Where have I been?

2008-08-28T22:03:00.004-04:00

I know, I know...I've been absent for about a minute. I still need to get up some posts about Turkey, and I will, but I've sorta been busy just living life and letting it get stupid complicated on me.

Just damn if dudes can't make a grrl crazy. Up until about 48 hours ago, I was fairly content, loving the fact that "mundane" and "ordinary" were adjectives I could use to describe how I lived. Then I had to go and just complicate things, but really only in my head. Things were rocking along just fine, then a little comment like "I don't really miss people when I'm away" had to jump up in my tiny pea brain and back me into a corner where I start second guessing everything. Overnight, I've turned into one of those stupid chicks who sits around and asks herself "What did he mean by that?" Well Holly, he probably meant what he said. I'm just kind of sucking tonight.

Did I mention that I am SOOO ready for a road trip? Perhaps that's because I just bought a brand new Charger, complete with a v8, 5.7l Hemi engine. So on top of all the weirdness, I'm kinda feeling like an awesome badass. Yes, I will be taking it to Drive Invasion over the weekend. We won't even begin to discuss the the gas mileage on the car. I just call it the visible evidence that supports the idea that I make bad decisions.

Okay, gotta go. M.A.S.H. reruns are on.

Keep it 'tween the ditches, y'all.
H

Three Flights in 36 Hours! Let's do that!

2008-07-27T09:09:00.003-04:00

After 3 flights in 36 hours (one on what should have been called Borat Air), I'm home! We landed around 2.30 on Saturday morning, exhausted, filthy, and just plain stressed out. I'm fairly sure that within those 36 hours, I went thought some sort of security checkpoint at least 12 times. Let me say, the Turks got this airport security thing down. To tell the truth, I never found it inconvenient or annoying like the TSA in the States, but instead, oddly comforting. They don't seem to be afraid to profile and have no interest in annoying people who are OBVIOUSLY harmless tourists armed with nothing more than excessive photos and a deadly amount of Turkish Delight packed away in their checked luggage.

I had every intention of updating the blog while away, but getting to a working computer with actual REAL internet service was much more difficult that I imagined, and when I DID find one, it was fairly cost prohibitive. About 4 dollars for 15 minutes. I just can't have that sort of thing, seeing as I needed all my spare lira for trinkets such as blue evil eyes, genuine fake watched and that sort of junk. I even toted home a bottle of Raki.

Turkey is an interesting country. For now, I'll leave it at that. I'm not saying we didn't have a good time, we most certainly did. But the unfamiliarity of the culture is way too complicated to even begin to explain right now. I have forty-eleven million pictures that I will upload to Shutterfly at some point, probably some today.

For now, I'm going to enjoy watching uncensored CNN, coffee with chicory, and real, genuine toilets.

Updates later.

I'm packing..

2008-07-10T11:50:00.001-04:00

..well, finishing packing. I'm sort of frantic. I'll be okay.

Who's the world's biggest asshole..

2008-07-06T03:22:00.002-04:00

..that would be me! In absence of a musical director, considering that I'm the mixing "sound designer"...that means that when things are askew with the orchestra/band, I'm the one giving the notes. It all was nothing but a hot mess for the past two nights. Seriously...you can't play the Danny Elfman "Simspsons" theme at the finish of the very defining ballad...really? Now I'm the bad guy since there was a "coming to jesus" moment at my behest..and everyone knew it was at the mixer's request...

sigh...I just don't need this shit as I am currently trying to teach someone else the show since I'll be leaving for Turkey after the Thursday night show...

Kisses,
H

One step closer

2008-06-30T17:18:00.002-04:00

I received my plane tickets today!!! Well, actually, they're e-tickets, not quite as glamorous, but hey! It's the 21st century. Packing is moving along slowly, but surely.

I will probably be heading over to Smith's tomorrow night for the Vagabonds CD release. I heard a little rumor that Hedwig and the Angry Inch may make a surprise appearance. Hedwig unplugged would be something not to be missed.

I went all the way to Asia Minor..

2008-06-30T02:21:00.002-04:00

Emily Saliers wrote "I went all the way to Paris, just to forget your name". I'm going all the way to central Asia just to, well, go....I'm up late because I need to get some things done, like, oh, well...packing. I'm ironing my wretchedly cute yellow plaid capri pants, cherry print skirt, etc. It's been a little difficult packing because, well, while Turkey is a democratic, secular country, the culture is inherently Muslim. That means that fashions are decidedly western in nature, however, sleeveless tops and short skirts are verboten. And if you know me, that means I'm having a difficult time here. And I have no idea how heavily tattooed women will be received, but I guess I'm about to find out. I am equipped to cover them if necessary. I even am in possession of a headscarf for the outer regions, and if you know me, that's probably frucking you out...

Question for you all. Am I the only bitch who packs Pringles, Pop Tarts, Baked Cheetos, and Caribou Coffee Bars to go to Istanbul? I figure it's a 5 hour bus ride from the Golden Horn to Bursa, and I might get hungry. One never knows what the magic bag might hold...Neosporin, Moleskin, a blanket, oh...look! a Pop Tart!

I have to say, as a sound guy, I'm fantasizing about the soundscape of Istanbul. To hear the roar of a European city mixed with the muezzins's call to prayer should be pretty exciting, to say the least. Then when we get further into the interior and the southeastern regions, I have absolutely NO idea what those places will sound like. I've never ever heard anyone speak Kurdish. I imagine that the coastal, resort cities will sound not unlike Panama City Beach, except in Turkce. I do have to say that I am looking forward to a day or two spent on the beach of the Turkish Mediterranean. I'm thinking I may run by Radio Shack and pick up a $50 mp3 usb recorder just because no one will believe what I've heard...Let me know if you guys have any ideas on models, etc...

I've also been reading a lot lately about Turkce food. Just damn! To think that tomatoes are as prevalent there as the deep south, meaning that I can get a 'mater sammich in Istanbul is blowing my mind! Believe it or not, they eat a 'mater sammich about the same way we do! Who wouldn't! Plus, think of all the meat on sticks! And the cheese and the bread puddings. I'm gonna come back 20 lbs heavier, except for the climbing and walking and whatnot. I may do an entire photo album on food you can stab.

We leave July 11th. I wish I could take many of you with me, because I have so many friends I would love to share this with..I am, however, going to try to blog while I'm there. I understand that internet cafes are plentiful in the larger towns, and most of my hotels have a business center. I doubt I be able to upload photos, but if my friend Matthew can blog from Kathmandu, then I'll probably have no trouble from Kusadasi.

I'll let you kids know how the packing is going later on in the week. We're flying Delta and damn if the summabitches aint knocked down the weight restrictions on internationals to 50 lbs. I may have to abandon some clothes in lieu of Cheezits and Jim Beam..Look on the bright side..you can smoke ANYWHERE in Turkey. They've never even heard of a no smoking section! Yay me! I'm not, however, looking forward to 15 hours in the air with nothing but Nicorette, Jim Beam, and Xanax...

Love, peace, and hair grease...
H

Alarms, feral cats, and eyeballs

2008-06-20T16:02:00.003-04:00

Apparently I slept through multiple phone calls from boss around 6am this morning. It seems that the alarm at the shop was going off, she was in Las Vegas, and I live just around the corner from the shop. This makes me the first call at ungodly hours of the day. Amazingly, I didn't hear it, which is weird because I'm so cracked out on my phone that I can sense it before it even rings.

Turns out a feral cat had gotten locked in the warehouse and was trying to get out. Poor little guy. I'm sure his little kitty whiskers were all atwitchin' at that alarm that is louder than a Metallica concert.

I had an eye appointment this morning. That's right, boys and girls, it's that time of year. Time to have my eyelids pried open like that scene from Conspiracy Theory and have some kind of battery acid dropped into them. Optometrist like to call this "eye dilation". I call it something that was outlawed with the Geneva Convention. Oh well, it's kind of one of those things you have to do, vision being pretty key to do all of those things we like to do, such as driving, reading, watching TV, playing beer pong...

The weird thing was that the doc was doing all these new little tests I've never had done. I'm not sure if he was checking to see if I needed old people glasses or a cornea transplant, but something was amiss. I was fairly sure it was going to end in tears.

So I've got new glasses AND new contacts coming. Of course, due to the fact that I'm as blind as those weird deep sea fish that have no eyes, they had neither my contacts or lenses in stock. My glasses wont' be here for a few days and my contacts are probably being milled by little Indonesian children from sand and niobium, so they won't be here for at least a week. Oh...to be able to wear sunglasses again!

All right kids. Gotta go do a little skit about a drag queen with a botched sex change, so pants are probably not optional. I just hope I have some clean ones, since my eyes are all jacked up and I'll have to locate they by sense of smell.

A Lesson Learned

2008-06-19T15:55:00.003-04:00

I learned a valuable lesson on Sunday night/early Monday morning. If I eat Chinese Buddha at 2am (they stay open until 6am..YAY!) and then go home and go to bed, it will give me wretched nightmares. So from now on, no matter how appealing the crab rangoon and potstickers sound after a few drinks, I need to relegate myself to the Majestic or simply some Cheezits. Because, really, who doesn't like Cheezits?

Awesome

2008-06-12T12:13:00.001-04:00

Last night. Mudhoney at the EARL. Fuck yeah.

That is all.

Souveniers, anyone?

2008-06-04T21:21:00.001-04:00

I wonder if I can find one of these in The Grand Bazaar?

Blog, blog, ohh...blog..

2008-06-04T19:36:00.004-04:00

Like my friend K, I too have been a bad blogger. Oh, I love reading other people's blogs and get pissed off when they don't update on a regular basis. But it seems to be in my nature lately to be kind of lazy as far as intarweb updates go. Instead, I have preferred to spend my time off at home, in the AC (Atlanta is MISERABLE this time of year!) watching really bad 80's movies on AMC. Sometimes I even get in bed as early as 8.30 and watch this drivel. Let's see, in the past week, I've watched Wargames, Death Wish 3, and Flashdance (twice!!??). And I have to finish this post by 8pm, because Escape from New York comes on then. WTF is the matter with me??!!! I really have nothing to say to anyone on the phone, with the exception of L, whom I'm going to Turkey with in a few weeks, and those conversations usually consist of where we can smoke in JFK while we make our connection to Istanbul. Then I usually tell her to turn on AMC, because Flashdance is on, so she hangs up and we text each other snide comments about the great cinematography.

But seriously, the location of where we can smoke in the few hours before we settle into an almost 20 hour flight is IMPORTANT STUFF. No one wants an international incident. And trust me, with the two of us, it's very possible. Nicorette, here I come. Actually, it will probably be Xanax and 3 drinks, followed by a deep sleep/coma. Thank god it's a direct flight so I won't have to disembark and clear immigration in some craphole like Frankfurt.

I think what's going on is that I'm completely overwhelmed. I have a new show that loads in on Friday, and I have almost no staff for that. Then, I have to get it open. Somewhere in there, I have to pack to leave for a country that is 3 continents away for 17 days. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about all of this. Just a little freaked out. Oh yeah, then there's the whole "trying to buy a house" thingy..and the HUGE obstacle in the way of that..sigh..Not to mention the whole lack of sex in my life, which would go a long way to easing some anxiety...

Seriously, I need to take a leaf blower to the interior of my apartment.

Gotta go. Kurt Russell is on a few.

Off like a prom dress.
H

We're done!

2008-05-12T01:58:00.003-04:00

Shake at the Lake is done! As usual, it was a great show, a great experience, a great company, and a great time. I'll try and post some more pictures and video as the week goes on.

Our sound load out wasn't all that bad. The time from hands on dead cases to the truck pulling away back to the shop was just a little over an hour and half. Which probably means I'm gonna have a hell of a time de-prepping the rig on Tuesday and Wednesday (translation: it might be a mess). That's okay, though. When I left around 1.30, the electricians were almost finished loading their truck and seemed to be moving along well. The carpenters, however, were in less good shape. It seems they didn't have as many hands show up as they were expecting. I'm fairly dangerous with screwguns and such, so I wouldn't have been much help.

All in all, it was pretty great. I got to work with an awesome company, was able to participate in the creation of some excellent (and free!) theater, hung with some cool kids, spent some time outdoors, and was even able to exchange some banter with a someone I have a huge crush on (I can still barely talk to them...working on that..).

Viva la bohemia, viva la Shake at the Lake!

Until next time.

Another tornado..

2008-05-11T05:11:00.002-04:00

Frickin' A! If you know me, you know that I get frucked out by bad weather, particularity tornadoes. Damn if we aren't under another tornado warning. All I can say is I don't like it, I don't like it one bit. I'm on pins and needles. I used to think that there couldn't be tornadoes in the urban areas. Boy, howdey!! Was I ever wrong...now there's more on the way...god hope I can live through them...that's why I'm up so late...I can't sleep in this crap....

Shakin' at the Lake

2008-05-11T00:38:00.003-04:00

Check out Mark getting funky to the sounds of Sly and the Family Stone as he sweeps the deck funkadelic style.

Yes. I work with freaks.

Weather...sigh..

2008-05-10T12:49:00.003-04:00

Looks like it may rain again tonight. Fortunately, it probably won't be until after the show. This is good because Saturday night is the biggest night. Unfortunately, It's probably gonna rain all day on Sunday, and that is bad. We have to strike and load out on Sunday night after the show. I'm really looking forward to Tuesday in the shop when I have to disassemble the rig that will be caked in mud.

I love May.

More Shake at the Lake

2008-05-09T13:45:00.003-04:00

There are some great photos of opening night here.

We're all still pretty exhausted. Last night was kind of rainy, and that always gets a little scary. Since we play on an uncovered stage, the deck can get slippery in rainy weather. But our illustrious stagehands so generously made a few cameos with mops and such, keeping the deck dry.

We finished show #2, then moved on to The Black Bear for some well deserved drinks and burgers. They have good burgers.

After The Black Bear, it was time to hustle on down the road for an evening of sin at The Clermont Lounge. Did I mention drinking was involved? Many PBR's and lap dances later, we closed the place down. That's all I can say. What happens at the Clermont, stays at the Clermont.

Time to get dressed and trek back over to Piedmont Park. I'm hoping to score some pizza from Quattro for dinner. Yum.

Shake at the Lake 2008

2008-05-08T11:29:00.007-04:00

Well, Shake at the Lake 2008 opened last night, and, well, so far, so....well, let's just say that nothing has gone in the water yet (which is a massive improvement over 2006). Load in day is a pretty impressive thing to behold. First is a picture of the almost finished product, taken around 4pm on Monday. The second was taken around 12pm. Most days I'm glad I'm not an electrician. Monday was no exception.

The third picture was taken around 10am, just as sound and lighting were beginning to load in. As you can see, the set wasn't QUITE finished. This company is amazing.
I'll try and get a good photo tonight of the set under full lights. It's so pretty.

So if you're in the Atlanta area and are one of the few people who read this blog that aren't actually working on or involved in the show, come on out. We're running until Sunday night, and it's free. How can you beat that?

Making changes and hanging on

2008-05-02T14:49:00.004-04:00

When one is attempting a major overhaul of one's life, they tend to think about all the things they may be leaving behind. I am right there. There are lots of things I've left behind in my former life, such as cheap chianti, marijuana activism, nitrous oxide, jam bands, Birkenstock sandals, tie dye, The Grateful Dead, my loser ex- husband, vegetarianism, and patchouli oil.

But I realized this morning that there are two things I'm holding on to.

The first is Dr. Bronner's Magic Peppermint Soap. It's soooo tingly and makes you feel so clean, especially during the warmer months. Sometimes I even wash clothes in it. It also comes in almond, eucalyptus, and lavender, but I prefer the peppermint. Go get some.

The second is Palmer's Cocoa Butter. It smells almost like vanilla and leaves your skin so smooth. It also is the best balm after an unfortunate sunburn. Get some of that, too.

A retraction.

2008-04-30T23:34:00.004-04:00

Back in the summer, I wrote a post asking people to log onto Radio Free Texas and vote for this band. I've changed my mind. Don't do it. In fact, if you can go there and retract your vote, do it. Three of these four men are absolutely despicable creatures. The frontman is a drama queen who likes to involve himself in everyone else's business like a 14 year old high school girl and tends to talk in lyrics. He thinks this makes him "deep". The bass player is a sociopath who will burst out screaming at people for no apparent reason and has familiar relationships that would bring Jerry Springer to his knees. He thinks this makes him "quirky".The drummer has been cheating on his wife for god knows how long and even took his paramour home to his parents house over the holidays. He thinks this makes him "independent".

So kids, consider this a retraction. There are too many good, hardworking bands out there that actually deserve your support. These guys are not one of them.

Disjointed..

2008-04-30T23:12:00.002-04:00

I have such a short attention span these days and seem so absent minded. I guess I've got a lot on my mind, but it's really becoming annoying. I've currently got two big shows in pre-production, one of which I'm attempting to slam together. Accomplishing 2 weeks of work in 3 days is no easy feat, I'll tell ya. I haven't even done anything more on the second show other than listen to the soundtrack off and on. Things are kind of piling up around here.

Not to mention that I'm going to Turkey in July. That is beginning to seem overwhelming. There is so much to do. We'll be gone for two and a half weeks, and just being gone that long on the same continent as one lives is daunting for me. Much less planning for a trip to Asia Minor. I'm so afraid that somehow I'll fuck it up. My visa won't be complete, somehow my bank account will be inexplicably emptied on my second day in Istanbul, you get the drift. I have visions of myself wandering the continent with no money, no resources, and not a friend in the world other than some hitchhiker named Raul I've picked up somewhere around Koine.

At least it's something to look forward to and work for. It means that I have got to bust my ass for the next 3 months. That's okay. I can do it. Because, bitches! I'm going to Turkey.

Be nice to me and maybe I'll bring you back a rug.

Peace out, girlscout.

Now that I'm done.

2008-04-28T05:57:00.002-04:00

You, hey you. You know who I'm talking to. It's you, the guy who has decided that he prefers 200lb. girls of dubious morals to the woman who supported him for the better part of twelve years. But hey! She's 24! You've got that going for you. You always wanted children. Now you got one. There are so many things I will never have to put up with again now that you're outta here. Let's list them.

1. Never again will I have to watch the travesty of the way you overcook a decent steak.

2..Never again will I have to listen to you whine about how the music scene in Atlanta is so lame and you can't catch a break. Atlanta has one of the most vibrant music scenes in the country. Maybe your band just sucks.

3. Never again will I have to wash my hair, take a bath, fix my make up, etc. by candlelight because you "forgot" to pay the electric bill.

4. Never again will I have to worry when the landlord comes to fix anything in the kitchen because he might find your collection of water pipes.

5. Never again will I be late to work because you "just had" to stop by the head shop.

6. Never again will I have to listen to you insult my friends while comparing them to yours. Your friends play in bands. Mine have jobs.

7. Never again will I have to be concerned about what might be in your backpack when you get pulled over by the police and are still on probation.

8. Never again will I have to worry about the police. Period.

9. Never again will I be required to sit through another badly mixed set of an unfortunate band in the unfortunate bar you work in

10. Never again will I have to listen to your sidekick give running commentary on our relationship, my mental health, etc. It's none of his damn business, I don't care what happened at his little show.

12. Never again will I have to sit in our living room on Christmas day while your sleazy father reads Playboys in front of your mother and grandmother, all the while comparing the breasts of the centerfold to those of your mother's.

13. Never again will I cry myself to sleep at night because you didn't have the decency to show up at any opening night events that were important to me. Not even The Color Purple.

14. Never again will I have to choose between you and your little friends and my blood family member.

15. Never again will I have to listen to my friends and family bitch at me for staying with such a loser.

Now that that's out of the way, there are soooo many things I can look forward to. Some of them I've even accomplished already. Let's list those!

1. I can have a nice, cute, clean house. Check.

2. My friends are not afraid to visit me. Check.

3. I can travel as much as I like to wherever I like, with whomever I like. It's gonna be a long flight to Turkey with your little buddy's ex. I'm sure we'll have LOTS to talk about.

4. I can watch whatever I like on television. Especially since I have HDTV. Check.

5. I can listen to any music I like. Even Broadway cast recordings. Check.

6. I can buy lots of shoes, since I no longer will have to squirrel away money for your potential bail. Check.

7. I can get as many tattoos as I like, since I can now afford them. See above.

8. I can pursue any creative endeavor I like.

9. I can eat a goddamn piece of pizza without having to listen to you expound upon the brilliance of Radney Foster's songwriting.

10. I don't have to worry that we might wind up living in Tennessee.

11. I can fuck anyone I like.

12. I no longer feel like killing myself.

So go on along. I hope it works out for you and the little girl your friend introduced you to. I hope she turns out to be crazier than me. And keep on shaving your little balls. That's attractive on a 40 year old man. They look like dried up raisins. I hope you cut yourself. Go crazy convincing yourself that I'm stalking you and her, doing all kinds of things that are pretty much impossible.

And yes, I read your email inbox. I read your myspace inbox. I also viewed her little "private" profile. Hell, I even listened to your voicemail for your cell phone. I'm sure you'll rant and rave about some damn "privacy" issue. Blow it out your ass.

I'm upset, of course. I'll cry some. I'll probably even not sleep a lot. But I'll move on. You, however, are going to find it hard to do that.

P.S. I LOVE cooking on your grill pan that you left with me!

Upon watching the movie "Cassanova"

2008-04-24T04:05:00.002-04:00

I found this particular movie incredibly repulsive. Even though the incredibly romantic Cassanova wound up with the pluck, indeterminable Francesca, it was absolutely repulsive. How is it that a man who consistently deceives women is portrayed as a hero? It's really too bad that the Pope intervened with the revoking of the capital punishment allotted for adultery.

This man was a choad and an S.O.B. (as we call it in the South) and had no right to get away with what he got away with....

Cheers,

A Southern Belle (but one who has become urban-i-fied)

Mmmmmm....Breakfast!

2007-12-02T15:58:00.000-05:00

Damn! I think I've found the ultimate breakfast recipe here.

Don't forget to follow the final bit of directions at the end. It could save your life.

2007-11-29T15:25:00.000-05:00

moar funny pictures

Just another day on transit

2007-11-29T00:14:00.000-05:00

I know that when I started this blog, it was meant to be mostly about work, and some about the funny stuff that just always seems to occur in my vicinity. Lately, it seems to be mostly about my adventures in public transit, and today's post is no exception. I just can't seem to get enough.

I learned something today on the bus. If you are so fucked up that you fall down trying to get on the bus and face plant right onto the nasty-ass sidewalk in front of City Hall East and the bus driver tells you not to even think about getting on the bus and it's all before noon, then you may need to reevaluate you life.

Bless his heart.

But he was nothing compared to the guy at the bus stop last Tuesday.

Last Tuesday morning, I was already pissed off because I was running late and knew that I had missed my regular #2 xtown. When I got to my regular stop in front of the library, there was guy lying in the grass. I immediately thought to myself that it's going to be one of those days. I was minding my own business, listening to my music (NOT on an iPod!) and reading a copy of Southern Voice when I hear the guy get up and say something unintelligible to me. I turned around to see this crazy dude shaking his little willie wonka at me. All I could muster was a sarcastic "You've got to be kidding me." before I turned back around. My lack of emotion tells me that I've become WAAAAAY to accustomed to people not wearing pants.

In better news (that some people care about) it appears that the Local One strike on Broadway is over. Cheers to my brothers and sisters for fighting the good fight!

2007-11-25T20:22:00.000-05:00

moar funny pictures

2007-11-24T00:44:00.000-05:00

Here is a story about the former member of the SS who trained dogs at Buchenwald and Dachau. It's too bad that he was able to leave for Germany and wasn't deported to Israel. I can't believe this monster was living in my backyard..

2007-11-24T00:19:00.001-05:00

I don't really have a whole lot of energy to put into the usual madly entertaining post that I usually make, so here's an article from Alternet about the stagehands' strike...

This stuff has got to stop

2007-11-19T14:26:00.000-05:00

I know that I wrote a few months back about my car getting broken into and someone possibly sleeping in there. I got lots of responses from friends telling me to lock my car. I'm still not locking my car because I would rather them just rifle through it and not break the window. I keep nothing in there of value, but I do keep the trunk locked.

Now I'm starting to see a pattern. It seems to always happen on Friday nights/early Saturday mornings. This past Saturday I awoke to find my car rifled through again and this time, they stole my damn bicycle! The bicycle that had a lock on it on my patio. That means they were really close to my door and that concerns me. What they didn't know is that the clutch was all jacked up, so they probably had an accident fairly quickly. I hope so. But I'm still looking closely at everyone I see on a bike.

Since these things always seem to occur on Friday nights, I think sometime in the near future, I'm gonna wait up for them. Won't they be surprised.

Lack of blogging and adventures in public transit

2007-11-12T16:41:00.000-05:00

I have sort of neglected my blog for the past few months because I was beginning to feel like my underpants were showing out there in teh interwebs. I've really been spending more time writing in my journal and otherwise honing my obviously extraordinary literary skills.

But I have been taking public transit more these days. It's almost impossible to park for free where I work, and I can't afford the 5 to 10 dollars a day it costs to park the shit-mobile. Plus gas is expensive. I mean, REALLY expensive. So the #2 bus it is. The #2 runs east and west down Ponce de Leon Ave. If you know Atlanta, you know what this means. Daily fun and entertainment!

Saturday I had to be at the theatre factory at 2pm, so slogged my sorry ass down to the bus stop in front of the public library. As we all know, public libraries are great places for the non-domiciled to hang out, what with the free internet access and climate control. Hey! I'm all for it! But please don't throw trash (ie: beer bottles, crack pipes, used tampons) around the sidewalk and bus stop there. A girl's gotta draw a line somewhere.

Good 'ole #2 showed up right on time, as always. I swiped my pass, grabbed a seat (I had my pick since it was a Saturday afternoon and not rush hour), and put my earbuds in to listen to some Steely Dan or Jupiter Coyote or Edwin McCain or some other vile music that I'd never admit to listening to. I immediately noticed the din of a crazed ghetto queen SCREAMING (with a capital S) hysterically into her cell phone. She was apparently talking to someone named "Daddy", and judging by her age, I don't think the man was biologically related to her. Something about not meeting her at her bus stop, but she DID have his money, no, she did love him...blah blah blah...all the usual crack whore stuff. Now, no one would have cared who she was talking to, had the population of Chicago not been able to hear her, but she was just incredibly loud. And was making everyone very uncomfortable. So the guy in the seat next to her asked her to "take it down a notch". Just damn. This was obviously the wrong thing to do. She slammed shut her phone, put her finger up in his face (after making some sort of swirly move with it) and exclaimed "Yo ass don't need to be all up in my conversation." To which this gentleman replied with "tha whole damn bus up in yo conversation".

At this point, bad weave started flying everywhere.

I will spare the details of the rest of the argument for the sake of brevity, but know that some truce was apparently reached, because, next thing we know, he had propositioned her.

Turns out she was a ho.

And was very angry that all he had was fifteen dollars and probably didn't have a car "since he was riding the MARTA and shit.."

Can't folks EVER act right?

Moving on to News that (some) People Care About:

It looks like the stagehands union on Broadway staged a walkout on Saturday morning, effectively shutting down most of the Great White Way. Good for you, guys! I think we're all tired of being told that we're unskilled labor, our jobs should be part time, and "any warm body will do". Fight the good fight and know that those of us down here in the Durty South support you.

Peace, love, and hair grease.

2007-08-02T19:59:00.000-04:00

I don't really know what to say, other than I am sick and tired of motherfuckers with their wee-wee's out here in my neighborhood. I swear to God and the sweet sainted mother of Alex Chilton, not a week goes by where I don't see some deranged fucker hanging out on Ponce with his wang hanging out. I mean, that shit is so TIRED! It's beginning to look like the Deuce circa 1985 around here, what with the tranny hookers, crackheads, hustlers, bagladies, and fellas with no pants. Hell, I see the little freaks on the bus.

In other news, I've been listening to a lot of Radio Free Texas. You can too, if you check them out at www.radiofreetexas.org . They play some incredible alt-country, plus you should go and request some old friends of mine, The Scott Little Band. In a mere two weeks, their song "Little Bit of Rain" has climbed the request charts to number three. So go help some decent, hard working guys out and request 'em! (Plus, at least one quarter of the band has seen me naked, so they've got something to hold over me...).

There's still an outside chance I may get to the beach this weekend, even though my transmission fell out of the wagon last Friday somewhere on Huff Road...I'll keep you posted..

On a work related note, last Thursday I did the most amazing show. It wasn't amazing because it was so great, but jaw dropping, slobber boning, unpleasant. It was for an international recording artist who brought the most unprofessional, unpleasant, unprepared, and plain mean front of house engineer. I'm always amazed when engineers request the highest end equipment and then don't know how to use it and expect you to babysit them all night. But they usually don't get violent when you refuse and leave them to sink or swim. This fuckstick actually PUT HIS HANDS ON ME. I stood on my tip toes (he was somewhat a midget at 5'7"), put my finger in his face and said "Don't you EVER FUCKING TOUCH ME AGAIN!" then walked out of the venue. Not really sure how I'm gonna deal with this one. I am considering an email to the artist's management company, and copying the email to the local promoter, and I'm also considering posting his name and picture here...not sure what to do. I did debate calling the police and/or backing the truck up and there being no show, but that wouldn't have really accomplished anything and simply would have made my night long..however it would have been really refreshing to see the next morning's headline in the entertainment section of the AJC reading "Bon Jovi's sound engineer arrested for assault at show at Park Tavern"....oh...wait...I think that was my outside voice..there is no excuse for that kind of behavior..

Until next time...

2007-07-02T20:36:00.000-04:00

Mystery solved! Ugly Overload has revealed what the squeaking alien fish is!

What I want to understand is the thought process behind the fisherman who thought this weird fish was an alien and decided to eat it because he "wasn't scared of it". The author of Ugly Overload has the same thought. This is NOT the guy you want to take on a camping trip. I'm not really all that scared of the neighbor's dog, but you don't see me over here serving up Bar-B-Qued Benji, now do you? No wonder the Soviet Union fell apart.

2007-07-02T20:25:00.001-04:00

"We thought it was an alien, but we weren't scared of it, so we ate it." These Russian fisherman got it right. We gotta stop the invasion of squeaking alien fish-like creatures...

2007-06-22T03:15:00.000-04:00

I know I'm going to St. Simon's for my first stop..and I'm not sure how long I'll be gone...I've got some cash and plenty of money in my bank accounts...I'm thinking first stop in St. Simons to get some good family time from my nephew, then either on to Key West or maybe up to Charleston. But perhaps on over to New Orleans..not sure yet..,damn that oil change thing, or I'd be gone now..getting into Glynn county abut 8am...damn not keeping up with that..lesson to you kids..keep up with car maintenance so you can go when you gotta get gone..

2007-06-22T02:48:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I think I'm about to pull a rock star freak out of Led Zeppelin proportions. It's almost 3am and I've just decided I'm blowing out of here asap to the beach. Unfortunately, I have to wait until the am so I can get my oil changed..maybe I'll bake some cookies in the interim....Damn! If I didn't have the whole oil change thing hanging over me, I'd be the perfect country song..

2007-06-21T22:56:00.001-04:00

Okay, my cell phone is finally shitting the bed. It's a Motorola Razr, and I've never liked it, and am really disappointed because this is the first bad experience I've had with Motorola. I swear by their two way radios (even after one tried to commit suicide by jumping off the eighty foot grid in my theater..), so I'm very sad about it.

I'm now looking at some LG phones (i'm with Verizon, so it has to be a Verizon compatible phone). If you have any suggestions, I'm all ears (pun intended). In fact, after a few more drinks, I'll probably wind up buying a new one online.

2007-06-20T20:28:00.000-04:00

I try very hard to not be one of those asshole "drive everywhere" shitheads, so this evening I walked over to the grocery store. It's only 3 blocks from my house, and it took less time to walk there than it probably would have taken had I driven the wagon over there. The little furry crap and vomit machines were out of catfood, so I figured it was paramount that I get over there and back as quickly as possible. I swear to Baby Jesus and Jello Biafra they looked like they were going to eat my eyeballs when I got home. When I die cold and alone, there will be nothing noble about how my cats deal with it. There will be no plaintive meowing to alert the neighbors of my demise. After about 4.7 hours of no feedings, they will simply proceed to eat me, starting with my eyeballs (the juiciest part, you know..).

Today was rather low key at the Sound Factory. I put together one round-base microphone stand to loan to another company, ate pizza with the two other employees who had decided to bless the company with their presence, and generally surfed the internet all day. I didn't even find anything new out there. I'm fairly sure that I've finished the internet. Done. Reached the end of it, seen everything there is to see out there. And oh yeah, we got a block of pre-sale tickets to the Police. Yeah, we're awesome. Sometimes this crappy, thankless industry pays off in really serious cool points.

Today was such a jack-off day, that I was reminded of when I was just out of college and worked in the local used record store. This was in 1994, and when I say "record" store, I mean we sold old, vintage, used and hard to find vinyl. Needless to say, in Macon, GA, this place didn't last very long. Most of my shifts consisted of me showing up for work looking like the self appointed rock snob goddess that I thought I was, sitting around smoking cigarettes (in the store, mind you), looking cool, sneering at the few customers we had (who were usually looking for Eagles vinyl..blech! How uncool..), listening to Blondie, Jim Carroll Band,The Clash, and Weather Report (?) on the turntable, fixing my make-up and hanging out with my musician boyfriend who would usually stop by to help me out in the sneering at customers department (hey...that took alot of energy). I made about five dollars an hour and was worth every penny if you count music snob as a qualification. And I'm pretty sure that, instead of clothes, I wore costumes. Purple and orange plaid hotpants. Magenta babydoll dresses with floral tights and Doc Martin mary-janes. Glitter eyeshadow. Black crocheted tight-ass bellbottoms that were see-thru with 4 inch platforms and tube tops. I think my "look" was a feminine David Bowie with an Athens and Seattle edge. I'm sure I was a freak. My roommate at the time worked for a department store, so she was always having to wear these demure little dresses and pants. I'm sure we were a pair. I wish I could get away with dressing like I don't give a shit what anyone thinks, but these days, I'm more concerned with the sturdiness of my work apparel. Also, I don't weigh a buck 'o five anymore. Not by any stretch...

Anyone out there have a job in the past where you got "carte blanc" on your dress and/or behavior at work?

2007-06-19T20:44:00.001-04:00

Today was okay as work days go for the most part. Myself and the other guy in shop finished putting together the rig for the international broadcast most of the morning, and it felt like we were in a huge game of three dimensional Tetris. Move one road box over here, just move another road box over there so that you can finally move the intended road box over to the loading dock area. Thank Baby Jesus and Henry Rollins for all those days I skipped class to engage in Tetris tournaments with Tara. I knew that shit would come in handy some day...I did, however, realize that most of what I do for a living is move big, heavy things from one location to another.. At this rate, I'd probably rock the casbah working for a moving company..

All was fantabulous up until about 5.45 when I decided it was time to close up the loading dock door so we could all say goodnight. The chain on the roll up door had jumped the track...for the 3rd time in less than a week. Now, I can't leave the warehouse with a wide open loading dock door for the night (especially since there's been a huge increase in crime in the area..be still my beating heart..), so all we could do was get one of the guys to ride up on the forklift (I know, please keep OSHA away from my shop) and try to repair it after we determined that an emergency visit from the Overhead Door Company would set us back somewhere around $770. Not good...Overhead Door Company will be called first thing in the morning. I'm tired of worrying about whether or not the loading dock door is going to be an open beacon for criminals every day just about closing time (plus fixing that damn door cuts into my drinking and watching Miami Ink time..).

Peace out and closed doors to you all...Im gonna go eat some ice cream..

2007-06-16T17:25:00.001-04:00

So some assclown took it upon themself to break into my car last night. It looks like I forgot to lock one of the doors, so they just let themselves in. They emptied my glove box, making a huge mess all over the passenger side floor. Then they obviously got in the trunk and stole a bunch of clothes that were already destined for Goodwill. Now, these clothes were already on their way out of my life, but it pisses me off because THEY TOOK SOMETHING THAT DIDN'T BELONG TO THEM! They obviously went through my building's trashcans, dumping trash all over the driveway, so I had to clean that up as well. The weird thing is that there was probably five dollars in change in the ashtray and some tools in my trunk and glove box, and they didn't take any of that. Maybe they slept in there last night. Who knows? I'm just glad that I didn't walk outside to take a smoke late night and stumble on them, or maybe I wish I had. I would have yelled really loud. And anyone who knows me, knows I can be really loud. I'm also glad they didn't break a window. That shit's expensive.

So the heat of the summer is upon us here in the Deep South. I'm having to water my tomatoes twice a day just to keep them from wilting away. I planted some watermelon today, and I'm just hoping that I didn't start too late on them. But we get pretty long summers here (duh!) so I'll probably be okay. I've also never tried to grow them in a container before, so we'll see how it goes.

You gotta love Atlanta in the summer. You're nowhere near open water, other than the Chattahoochee River, but I'm not swimming in that. The air just kind of hangs over the city, all smoggy and nasty, and the trash really starts to stink. And the wildfires in south Georgia haven't helped the air quality at all (although I think most of those have been put out now. I was beginning to think Sherman was returning. I was hoping he'd burn Buckhead.). Why the hell would I go to New York with all of this right at my fingertips! So I was contemplating heading up to Moonshine Country for the weekend to visit Uncle Redneck and Aunt Goodtimes. They live way up in the northwest Georgia mountains and it's always a good ten degrees cooler up there, plus they're right on the Little River just upstream from DeSoto Falls. It's truly beautiful up there, especially right now when all the rhododendrons are blooming and you can sit on top of the boat house having a drink at sunset with the river breeze washing over you. But the trade off is that you have spend the weekend with Uncle Redneck and Aunt Goodtimes. Saturday would have gone something like this:

2pm: Arrive at the riverhouse.
2.05pm: After many hugs, unload car.
2.10pm: Begin drinking beer.
2.20pm: Begin drinking second beer and smoking fifth cigarette.
3.30pm: Put on bathing suit and pack cooler to walk down to the roof of the boathouse.
3.45pm: After navigating down 72 steps at a 45 degree angle downward, arrive at boathouse.
3.46pm: Climb up 17 rungs of ladder to top of boathouse, trying not to drop the cooler in the river.
3.50pm: Aunt Goodtimes begins drinking vodka and Co-cola. Uncle Redneck has been drinking since 11am, so nothing really changes for him.
4.07pm: Get bitten by the world's largest mosquito. Realize I'm not in possession of any bug repellent. Neither are Aunt and Uncle. Decide to tough it out since the sunset will be really nice.
4.23pm: Move on over to drinking bourbon. What the hell, it's the weekend, right?
4.24pm: Get bitten by even larger mosquito.
4.26pm: Uncle Redneck decides that he's had enough of the mosquitoes and the only way to deal with it is to jump off the boathouse into the river.
5pm: Uncle Redneck is still flopping around in the river like The Great Georgia Manatee. Due to his distance, Aunt Goodtimes and I are finally able to chat and have a reasonably good time. She's not drunk yet, nor am I. The Great Georgia Manatee is another story.
5.15pm: A pair of canoes appear on the river. Uncle Redneck tells them that his name is Zeke Woodall (a famous nudist from around those parts) and to "get the hell away from his property".
5.46pm: Georgia Fish and Game rangers show up. Uncle Redneck is still flomping around in the water (which fortunately has sobered him up just a little bit). They tell us that they've gotten a report of "a nekkid man" and that The Great Georgia Manatee can't be in the river without a floatation device. Uncle Redneck asks them if they'll give him a boat ride 7 1/2 feet to the dock since he'd be breaking the law to swim over there. They make him swim.

(editor's note: Never once has Uncle Redneck been actually "nekkid". He just wants strangers to think that he is.)

7pm: Everyone has stumbled up the 72 steps at a 45 degree angle up to the house. Aunt Goodtimes and I change our clothes while Uncle Redneck decides to start the grill. One should always let the drunkest member of the party start the grill.

8.30pm: Unbelievably, the steaks are cooked without a hitch, and we eat heartily. Then move on to more liquor drinks.

9.45pm: The party had degenerated into everyone talking over each other, fighting for headroom in the conversation.

9.57pm: Aunt Goodtimes realizes that she's out of cigarettes. Since everyone is too drunk to drive to the "corner store" (that is at least 7 miles away), she proceeds to smoke all of mine. Thank God I've hidden two packs in my bag.

9.59 pm: Uncle Redneck asks me if I have any weed. I don't.

10.15pm: Aunt Goodtimes gets all nostalgic talking about my late father, her late brother. Decides she needs to call my sister on her cell phone. Fortunately, my sister doesn't answer. She and I spend the next half an hour reminiscing about my dad while Uncle Redneck wanders off in the woods.

10.45pm: Uncle Redneck returns from his "walkabout", announcing that he just needed to "get up and walk and let the womenfolk talk".

11pm: Uncle Redneck decides that we all need to listen to the entire catalog of Atlanta Rhythm Section at 120 decibels.

11.23pm: Sometime during the second verse of "Champagne Jam" Uncle Redneck proceeds to tell the story of how he was at the "Champagne Jam" in Piedmont Park the year my sister was born and how my Daddy named her after an Allman Brothers song. We've all head this story about one hundred and thirteen times.

11.37: During the opening organ chords of "So Into You", Uncle Redneck asks me if I have any "co-caine". I don't. He proceeds to question me closely, "don't everybody down there in At-lanta sniff that stuff?"

I won't bore you any more with how my Saturday night would have turned out. You get the picture. Uncle Redneck would have passed out sometime around 1, and my Aunt and I would have stayed up til sometime around 2.30, just getting drunk.

I'm glad I decided to stay here in Atlanta. There may be people breaking into my car, and the rockstars are pretentious, but at least I won't have a run in with the Fish and Game Commission.

Athfest

2007-06-15T00:17:00.000-04:00

Just in case you need a dose of a disaffected hipster giving you guidelines on a pretentious music festival called Athfest..

Look here..

I'm sure that we're all in awe of a psuedo-rock star telling us how mass transit between Atlanta and Athens needs to be.

And, Hey Patterson, I'm sure you were an AWESOME monitor engineer at the 40 Watt..wait, you mean the place where they pay engineers $40 a night and all the Pabst they can drink? Damn! I bet that's attracting some production talent.

Sorry honey, I stopped liking you guys sometime around the time you guys started sucking...oh maybe about the time Rob and Earl left...

Ohhh Blog...

2007-06-14T23:52:00.000-04:00

Ohhh blog, how I've neglected you...Apologies to my one reader..I've just been busy doing, well, nothing..working and maintaining the status quo..

Today I spent most of the day fretting about buying new catfood. It seems that the catfood I've been purchasing has been causing my precious little kitties to turn into nuclear bio-warfare shit bombs. Not really sure what the problem is, however at every turn here in the squat there seems to be a pile of kitty diarheah...yuk! Those of you who think that cats are clean pets are grossly mistaken. Liquid shit arsenals are not my ideal pets. So today we've gone back to the nasty, albeit non-diarrhea causing, catfood. Dinky and Lulu seem happy about it.

I'm currently baking cookies. Not sure why, it just seemed like a judicious way to spend my time. And really, who doesn't love Toll-House Cookies?

Peace out and cookie goodness..

-H

Just Damn...

2007-05-20T01:28:00.000-04:00

I think someone has stolen my identity. As of midnight last night, both of my bank accounts, checking and saving, were cleaned out. To the tune of over $1200. I know, not an enormous amount of money, but all I had. Money I worked for. Money I was going to use to pay June's rent (since I'm laid off for most of the month of June). The ironic thing is I just read an article in the AJC about how high identity theft is in Georgia...I had to jump through hoops today on the phone with my bank, but apparently someone found it incredibly easy to just log in and take all my money..Bank of America doesn't seem to trust the actual account holder, but by God, anybody else can seem to just jump in there and withdraw at will....Not to mention the fact that the Fraud Department really didn't care since it wasn't my credit card or forged checks. I was PROMPTLY told that that was all they dealt with. If anyone has any ideas on how to even begin on how to deal with this, let me know...HUGH SIGH...No round food for me today, I can't afford it...Maybe I should put up a Paypal button on the blog to accept donations to fight BOA...and, I swear to God!..I DID NOT reply to that Nigerian email...