Flaming Easter Candy of Death

I didn't elect to go to any of the opening night parties last night. Instead, I was more interested in just going home, watching a little TV, and cracking out a little on the internet reading mindless drivel. All, in all, my night was everything I'd hoped for.

Until I got a sweet tooth.

At some point in the evening, I grew bored with the overload of information I'd garnered from various newssites, blogs, RSS feeds, and various and sundry porn and decided that I needed a little sugar to make my evening complete. Not a huge amount of sugar, mind you, just enough to make me smile. Luckily, last week I cleaned Kroger out of their on sale Easter candy. I have a fridge full of the stuff. Everything from Cadbury Eggs to vanilla creme Hershey's Kisses to Marshmallow Peeps. And that's where the "fire problem" began.

Now we all know that one can manipulate Peeps in sadistic and inhumane ways to make them a little tastier. Put them in the microwave for just a few seconds, they get nice and squishey. Keep them in the freezer to make them a little more solid. My favorite way to torture the little candy colored birdies is to skewer them on a stick and hold them over the flame on my gas stove for a few seconds. This results in a caramelized sugar outside that is crunchy, and an interior that is gooey like the marshmallow part of a smore. So I did this, rendering unto me caramelizes little pieces of heaven. The part I forgot about, the MOST IMPORTANT part, I might add, is that this makes the marshmallow inside VERY HOT. I mean hot like a firebombed Al-Quida hideouot cave. And sticky. Sticky like napalm. I forgot about all of this, and bit right into said burned up Peep. It was delicious. And sticky. And VERY HOT. It burned the top of my lip, causing a second degree blister, due to the fact that this little benign candy had turned into a molotov cocktail of carbohydrates. I couldn't get it off my face or my fingers. It dripped down onto the burner of my stove, re-igniting the burner with one foot flames. It stuck to the counter. And now I have a huge blister on my top lip that probably has the appearance of some sort of bizarre sexually transmitted disease. But that's not what it is. What it is is the Revenge of the Peep. That'll teach me.