Alarms, feral cats, and eyeballs

Apparently I slept through multiple phone calls from boss around 6am this morning. It seems that the alarm at the shop was going off, she was in Las Vegas, and I live just around the corner from the shop. This makes me the first call at ungodly hours of the day. Amazingly, I didn't hear it, which is weird because I'm so cracked out on my phone that I can sense it before it even rings.

Turns out a feral cat had gotten locked in the warehouse and was trying to get out. Poor little guy. I'm sure his little kitty whiskers were all atwitchin' at that alarm that is louder than a Metallica concert.

I had an eye appointment this morning. That's right, boys and girls, it's that time of year. Time to have my eyelids pried open like that scene from Conspiracy Theory and have some kind of battery acid dropped into them. Optometrist like to call this "eye dilation". I call it something that was outlawed with the Geneva Convention. Oh well, it's kind of one of those things you have to do, vision being pretty key to do all of those things we like to do, such as driving, reading, watching TV, playing beer pong...

The weird thing was that the doc was doing all these new little tests I've never had done. I'm not sure if he was checking to see if I needed old people glasses or a cornea transplant, but something was amiss. I was fairly sure it was going to end in tears.

So I've got new glasses AND new contacts coming. Of course, due to the fact that I'm as blind as those weird deep sea fish that have no eyes, they had neither my contacts or lenses in stock. My glasses wont' be here for a few days and my contacts are probably being milled by little Indonesian children from sand and niobium, so they won't be here for at least a week. Oh...to be able to wear sunglasses again!

All right kids. Gotta go do a little skit about a drag queen with a botched sex change, so pants are probably not optional. I just hope I have some clean ones, since my eyes are all jacked up and I'll have to locate they by sense of smell.